As The Bug‘s self-appointed-for-life court reporter and ranter-in-residence, I’m proud to once again tease our reader with a fresh but very rough draft of one of the middle chapters in my upcoming book (see below) on my foolish journey through the Queensland justice system. Please enjoy.
DRAFT CHAPTER: SOME LEVEL PLAYING FIELD!
And to think that John McEnroe usually let fly at umpires over a disputed line call that affected one lousy point in a whole Grand Slam match. His regular tanties on the professional circuit were all the more embarrassing because even he would admit he played his entire professional career on a reasonably fair and level playing field … or surface.
Changing ends regularly meant each player had their fair share of battling certain winds, or the sun making serving difficult, or having more than a fair share of encroaching shadows to contend with.
To complete the tennis analogy, I was stuck on the one side of the net getting the worst of the elements but where my half was paved with cobblestones and any ball that came my way from the other side made of grass, clay or synthetic material was more or less unplayable.
A too-over-the-top analogy? Probably, but I hope you’ll be joining in at the end of this section with my oft-repeated refrain. Bugger it, have a practice now because you won’t be disappointed. Loud voices please…
YOU COULDN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP!
And here’s why. In my appeal to the District Court, I was required to lodge my outline of argument by November 4 last year. Family matters meant the DC registry kindly gave me some days extension and that outline got to them a few days later by express post.
Any guesses now as to when the respondent (the Queensland police commissioner on behalf of King Charles 3) was required to submit their outline of argument?
Well, Max, I’ve got to, because you’re spot on. December 12, 2025, and 4.30pm to be precise.
Which is exactly the same date and time deadline that myself as the appellant and the Commish’s people also had to pick a date from a half-dozen provided by the DC registry as suitable for the appeal hearing in the New Year.
I asked the registry to explain how it was fair to expect me to lodge my outline of argument some 38 days before the other side, was this standard or accepted practice and what was fair about being asked to pick a hearing date before I even had a chance to access their intended line of argument (I never got a reply but I’ll try to extract answers from someone in authority over coming weeks as publication date looms).
Might also be a good time to mention that the DC registry made it perfectly clear that it was not their job to serve material to the parties involved in this appeal process and may I suggest, fairly, that I could be forgiven for not knowing that. I’m a fucking idiot but what’s the other side’s learned and professional excuse? The Office of the Director of Public Prosecutions apparently filed their outline of argument with the registry on 28 November but clearly forgot to send it to me as well. The registry reminded them at 9.14am on Monday, December 15 to do so, but if they already had, date please?
Got your vocal cords warmed up? We won’t ask Maxwell again what he believes but you can believe that very day – Monday December 15 – and only hours after the Registry’s missive to all parties was when the Office of the Director of Public Prosecutions legal eagle finally sent the respondent’s outline to me and the DC registry with an apology for “the oversight resulting in late service of the material to the appellant”.
Altogether now!
YOU COULDN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP!
Don Gordon-Brown
The Bug‘s lifetime-appointed court reporter and ranter-in-residence
PS: Very shortly, if you think the above sequence of events was pretty shabby and totally unfairly one-sided, I’ll upload the second half of this chapter soon and I’m confident you’ll be shaking your head in disbelief about the entirely different rules that apply to opposing parties as to how additional material can be added to outlines of argument as the appeal trial looms. It’s super easy for one side and expensive and time-consuming to the other.
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