AS I’M NOT SURE IF I EVER REALLY HAD A PLAN!
As The Bug‘s self-appointed-for-life court reporter and ranter-in-residence, I’m proud to once again tease our reader with a fresh but very rough draft of possibly the final chapter in my upcoming book (see below) on my journey through the Queensland justice system. Please enjoy.
DRAFT FINAL OR PENULTIMATE CHAPTER: IS THIS FOLLY NOW FINISHED?
A PLAN? Good point, Kid Shelleen! Where to from here is a very good question. And seeing just about every aspect of this journey of mine has turned out exactly as expected, shirley I must have thought through the game plan, as Julia Gilliard was wont to say, moving forward? Well I didn’t, so I need help.
It’s Tuesday, August 18, 2026 and I have finally received a letter from Queensland Courts dismissing my claim first made by letter in late May that a crucial section of the transcript of that May 2025 Magistrates Court hearing where I defended a school-zone speeding fine was missing.
The link below from a previous draft uploaded recently shared my tips as to what would be in my letterbox late yesterday (Monday) from QTranscripts – a pissed-off deadline I set for them – and I rather immodestly think I got it fairly right. I put at top a 40 per cent chance of no reply at all, to an express-post protest letter sent last Tuesday before the Show Wednesday holiday. A day after my deadline, today’s letter says “we also appreciate your patience”. My prediction of “we thank you for your patience” was pretty close. The letter writer clearly was being a bit of a sarcastic smartarse as I’ve been clearly anything but fucking patient over the other side’s rude and unprofessional non-response for so long.
So what did Queensland Courts’ missive teach me? That two entities presumably under the umbrella of the Department of Justice and Attorney-General have compared the written transcript of last year’s lower-court hearing with the audio recording and … let’s pause here for dramatic effect! …. they were exactly the same. Nothing is missing! Well, paint a mullet’s head on my face and consider myself stunned!
Imagine if a reporter’s task was to ask a supermarket chain to respond to claims by many shoppers that some eggs in a standard carton are often found to be broken on their return home, the supermarket chain responded by declaring that after an extensive investigation over many days at a large number of their outlets, countless standard egg cartons were inspected and all were found to have a dozen eggs in them! Not really addressing the main point, is it? (Memo book editor: try to think of a better analogy than this shit).
Just as broke now as when I started this joke of a judicial journey, is this the end? Logic says that if my barrister and I last year heard what we heard in court, the audio tape is the culprit and is not complete for whatever reason. Sadly, I’ve just now disturbed the moths in my wallet and checked my one and only bank account and I haven’t got the dosh to obtain the audio tape and then engage an audio-tape/communications expert to assess its accuracy as the source material for the written transcript.
Hence the question above; where to now? Nowhere, perhaps, given the grim reality that the Queensland Police Commissioner’s office will most likely respond later than sooner to my request into the possible false and illegal declaration of that camera operator’s certificate, with the stern advice that my claims have been thoroughly investigated, found to be baseless and the matter is now closed? Scratchie bet, anyone?
And even my wonderful local solicitor mate reckons I’ve taken this as far as I can, and he says a High Court appeal is not possible. Nevertheless, I am making early inquiries into how to contact retired Victorian barrister Lawrence Hammill KC, having left such a request with noted Melbourne solicitor Dennis “The Vibe” Denuto. And does anyone know whether Robin Nevin has moved up to the High Court to join Justice Michael Kirby?
Don Gordon-Brown
The Bug‘s lifetime-appointed court reporter and ranter-in-residence
Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!
The Bug Online 