My best guess is that the Queensland Police Service’s Road Safety Camera Office didn’t have a white rabbit!
A reference to Alice in Wonderland seems as good as any as I generously offer at no charge to my reader another draft chapter from my looming loss-leading book on a judicial journey just as fantastic as Alice’s.
Chapter ### – RABBIT HOLES AND ROAD BLOCKS.
As mentioned earlier, two dear friends who have always been able to spot a sad-sack lost cause when they see one helped me, as my local solicitor and barrister, up to the Magistrates Court hearing on, if not a pro bono basis, then on the very solid theory that “he couldn’t afford to pay us anyway”. Very astute and clever men.
I’ll always be extremely grateful for their help, even their “Don’t even think of doing that, you stupid cunt!’ response to my decision over a game of pool in my solicitor’s mancave to go ahead with an appeal to the District Court. “They’re going to wash you out onto Roma Street!”
But what it meant, even from the very beginning of this judicial journey, was that I did much of the letter-writing to various government bodies trying to obtain the information I thought my two mates would need for us to achieve a win in the lower court.
And not having a clue as to whether they’d extend their generosity to the lengths of supoenaring (see, I don’t even know if that’s spelt right!) the remote camera operator whose certificate stated all speed restriction signs were clearly visible and adequate on the day of my alleged infringement.
And hence began the best – in my humble view – of the legal rabbit holes I was tempted to hurtle headfirst into, if I wanted the name of said operator! It didn’t sound like an unreasonable request made to the person in charge at the Road Safety Camera Office. But no. Who would have known that operating remote speed cameras wasn’t the only job this person had. I can only assume he or she must also have a night job as an ASIO spook whose identity needed to be protected. I was sent a five-page document full of questions with the added advice that such an identity disclosure would cost a pretty penny, quite a problem seeing I barely had an ugly one.
So, here’s what I stupidly decided: the person’s name would be on the certificate promised in the police brief so no real harm done then, right?
How was I to know at this stage that wanting to find the operator’s identity would have been a costly waste of time anyway? Perhaps another marker of my stupidity or naivety was that I’d have never, ever, guessed – in my wildest dreams – that the police commissioner’s counsel would argue at appeal that any such certificate was basically a figment of my imagination, a bizarre and illogical line of argument that the appeal judge would nevertheless wholeheartedly endorse.
What’s that, young Forrest?
You couldn’t make this shit up!
Don Gordon-Brown
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Don Gordon-Brown
Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!
