Shoulder charge sidelines PM


A guilty plea to a shoulder charge has sidelined key player Scott Morrison just days out from the electoral season’s grand final.

The game’s ruling body, the AEC, last night accepted Morrison’s guilty plea hours after horrified spectators saw him deliberately shoulder-charge a much younger and much smaller opponent in a pre grand-final warm-up match on a playing field in Devonport in Tasmania.

Morrison has been banned from doing photo ops for two days, which means that while his suspension will end just before Saturday’s grand final against the LNP’s hated traditional foes, the ALP, his absence for several days could prove disastrous for the reigning premiers.

“We’ve just got to cop the penalty and hope our chances are not severely harmed by it,” one senior team official told The Bug on the condition of anonymity.

“He has proudly worn the No1 jersey for his team since our miracle win in the 2019 grand final and this is really going to hurt. Scott pretending to be anyone other than himself has always been a winning strategy for us.

“Photo ops are a key part of Scott’s strategy and they always have been and we’d be silly to deny this is a major setback.

“In fact, Scott had planned to pretend to be all sorts of professions in the lead-up to the big dance on Saturday – in one marginal seat on Friday he was going to pretend to both a bulldozer and its driver and I’ve seen the outfit and it’s amazing.

“But now, just like that young lad yesterday, this has really taken the wind out of his sails.

“We think the penalty’s a bit unfair because the vision clearly shows Scott slipping into the lad so it really was quite accidental.

“But rules are rules and the LNP has always abided by the rules of the sport we love.”