Dick leans to the left…


Prime Minister Scott Morrison will definitely need a miracle from here on in to win the 21 May federal poll, according to the The Bug‘s patented big swinging dick electoral pendulum.

New figures over recent days from four of the five major polling companies used by The Bug for its world-patented method of analysis shows the LNP’s primary vote average across all four have … aah, …eer … drooped slightly to 34.4 per cent.

That’s still more than seven percent below the 41.44 percent primary vote the LNP mustered in 2019 to just fall across the line. So our dick pendulum has been wobbling around a bit.

A week ago, Smoko and his bandits were on a primary vote average of 34.6 per cent, compared with 34.1 per cent the week before that.

And please always bear in mind that when we talk of our big swinging dick pendulum moving to the left or the right, to properly understand such movements you must view it from above as if you’re the proud owner of the big swinging dick electoral pendulum. You are both the holder of the one-eyed dick pendulum and your eyes are the beholder of it. Simples.

You may have noticed that the bellend of our big swinging dick electoral pendulum looks very much like a certain flaccid-arsed, ethically bereft, criminally inclined, money-hungry, New York nonagenarian whose interests have always had fuck-all to do with Australia’s.

Sometimes when our main polling-assessment tool suffers from bull burn, we use a second big swinging dick electoral pendulum with a bellend that looks very much like Peter Costello, the man who is almost single-handedly making the Nine Entertainment Co. media outlets almost as bad as Newscorpe’s and as one-eyed as our dick pendulum.

As we’ve stated before, it is true that some of these polls are showing large percentages of undecided voters but Smoko Morrison’s corrupt and criminal porkbarreling now going on at record levels around the nation will really have to bite hard – and soon – to sandbag the government’s marginal seats.

Morrison and his mob can’t afford to lose even one of those marginals, yet a swag would be lost easily on the latest results of our big swinging dick electoral pendulum.

Inventor of the world-recognised The Bug big swinging dick electoral pendulum, The Bug‘s inhouse amateur psephologist Don Gordon-Brown, can’t see things improving for the Morrison government in the short term.

“Postal voting has been going on for a while and in-person pre-polling starts next Monday. Early voting is expected to be huge and while I shouldn’t say this as an untrained and uncannily inaccurate observer of political fortunes and voting trends, I look down and can’t see my swinging dick moving Morrison’s way at all when our five-poll average is worked out this time next week.

“That would leave precious time left for the government to make up the massive ground needed over the remaining fortnight to even have a whiff of a chance at minority government.”

The Bug’s big swinging dick electoral pendulum is named in honour of a big swinging dicks club (members and their members shown below) that used to reign supreme in federal parliament in years gone past when Parliament House was not the perfectly safe place it is now for women to work in.