Peter, you absolute pillock of a pollster

The Bug has heard a helluva lot of arrant nonsense over recent years from mainstream mediocre politics scribes who have foolishly – or deliberately – lauded Scott Morrison for marketing skills he has never, ever, possessed.

Some have done so because they’ve been rusted-on Tories since birth; others sadly have perpetuated the myth because they think that’s what their masters want them to write or say.

So let’s dissect probably the worst example we’ve ever encountered of this totally false and undeserved praise for Smoko from someone in the MSM or closely aligned to it – let’s say hello to Peter Lewis.

Before we get stuck into this dunce who’s also director of Essential Media Communications, a public affairs and research company who conducts polls for The Scott Morrison Herald and its sister Sunday, a quick reminder of what “consummate” means.

That’s right. Marketing that is perfect, exemplary, supreme, ultimate, faultless, quintessential.
It is an adjective of praise.

There can, of course, be really good marketing and really bad marketing, and “consummate” is not the word to describe really bad marketing.

No, for some reason, Peter Lewis has watched Smoko in action now for what – more than four years as our PM? – and has declared he’s the consummate marketer. One beyond reproach.

But I’m not alone here: other bitter old hacks at The Bug are also shaking their heads in unison over the risible rubbish that Peter Lewis sprouts to support his “consummate” claim.

We’ll ask you all out there in BUGland: Do you think Smoko has had any positive, long-term, benefits out of uttering phrases as stupid as “This is coal, don’t be afraid”, “I don’t hold a hose” and “It’s not a race”.

Shit, we’d like to think that even right-wing nut jobs such as Phillip Coorey and everyone who opines on politics at Newscorpse Australia would reluctantly admit that those phrases have not travelled well and have not held Smoko in good stead as an election looms.

But not Peter Lewis, who seems incapable of discerning the total absurdity and contradiction in firstly describing those phrases as “failures” that somehow the marketing wunderkind Smoko has packaged onto “simple, reusable soundbites”.

To be used by whom, Peter Lewis? The ALP and other anti-government parties; that’s whom.

If Peter Lewis wants to embarrass himself with such terrible tripe, we at The Bug won’t be bothered rehashing for the umpteenth time – for his benefit – the reasons why Morrison won the 2019 “miracle” election.

But, trust us, Peter Lewis, they had fuck all to do with Morrison giving the thumbs up from an aircraft window, tooting a truck horn, throwing a haybale off a trailer, kicking a footie or sinking endless schooners in bars to show how much of a harmless, sports-loving bloke-next-door he has never been.

It had bugger-all to do with spending much of the campaign disguising his own paucity of policies by telling outrageous fibs about the ones Labor did – and sometimes didn’t – have. Or spending a lot of time calling Bill Shorten a liar. Oh, the irony of that now, eh?

Nothing what Morrison got up to in 2019 should ever be branded in any shape, manner or form as “consummate” marketing.

But it’s a template Smoko is using this election too. The poor schmuck’s been convinced by too many in the media and associated with it that he actually is a marketing and campaigning genius.

He appears blissfully unaware that his current batch of photo-ops for the 2022 poll are being largely laughed at by Australians who now know much more about Smoko than they did in 2019.

Our guess at The Bug is that you, Peter Lewis, think Smoko’s going great guns, what with him being the consummate marketer you say he is.

It sounds like it’s the thumbs up from you for Smoko lifting his safety visor to check how his arc welding is going, or creepily washing some poor woman’s hair like serial killer Ted Bundy fussing over a victim, or pretending to clean a basketball court with the wrong equipment.

And, in some ways, Peter Lewis, that’s quite okay by us.

Don Gordon-Brown