Crikey! It’s a fucking bad state of affairs when even Bernard Keane starts writing shit about federal politics.
In an article published online on Friday, Keane described Scott Morrison as a man “once universally regarded as a canny salesman”.
Universally. Defined as “by everyone; in every case”.
Well, Bernard, not by this little rubber duckie ranter. NEVER. EVER.
Sorry for those little flashes of caps there to show how pissed off I am with Bernard.
It won’t happen again,
FUCKING BULLSHIT, IT WON’T.
Do you know what’s the one strength Bernard thinks has deserted the PM?
“….his previous knack for the right message has disappeared”.
His once-unerring feel for messaging! His once-deft political touch.
FUCK ME ROAN.
Sorry! Won’t happen again. Someone at least pass me a bucket.
My beef with Bernard has nothing to do with what was really the main thrust of his essay: the laughable notion that the Spud with Dead Eyes, Peter Dutton, should become the PM to lead Oz out of its COVID-19 vaccination shefuckingmozzle.
Bernard’s pitch for the Dutts begins: “The “Scotty from marketing” tag always contained within it a paradox: Morrison might not be capable of getting things done, but he was outstanding at selling things to voters. Now even that skill has gone at a moment when we need a convincing national leader to drive vaccine uptake and provide reassurance as, once again, millions of Australians are locked down.”
Excuse me for a moment while I rinse out the mouth over the “he was outstanding at selling things to voters” bit.
Bernard then presents Dutton as the best of a bad Liberal bunch to lead the nation ever forward.
That risible notion is more than enough material for a future rant.
My beef this time is that Bernard has clearly joined the morass of mediocre right-wing-leading mainstream media politics-covering morons in perpetrating the myth that Morrison won that miracle election in 2019 through the possession of some amazing political skills, albeit now gone from Smoko’s amazing political arsenal according to Bernard.
Why do I know Bernard is talking about that election?
It surely should be universally known that Bernard can’t be talking about Morrison’s career before politics. He was sacked on both sides of the ditch for being an absolutely shit marketer.
It should be universally known that Morrison didn’t possess uncanny, unerring political skills when he got well and truly rolled in his preselection bid for Cook. The Libs HQ had to call in Newscorpse to defame his opponent back then.
No, it’s got to be that 2019 election where Bernard first fell under the awesome spell of the political genius that is – well, was – Scott Morrison.
So here’s my challenge for Bernard. Write for us an essay on how amazing Morrison was throughout that campaign and I’ll put it on the end of this rant.
And it will then be my absolute delight to try to strip your arguments AS BARE TO THE FUCKING BONE AS I CAN because I believe Morrison had just about FUCK ALL to do with that election outcome.
I’ll present a case where this so-called political wunderkind went backwards through that entire campaign and was rescued at the death, not by Jesus Christ his Lord and Master, but by factors that had FUCK-ALL to do with him.
I’ll give Bernard the one exception we all universally now know of: Morrison’s dirty, grubby, rotten hands were all over the gold-standard, multi-billion-dollar, pre-election pork barreling – some of it most likely criminal – that has only been exposed since May 2019.
And to be fair to you, Bernard, as this ranter always is to one and all, you must be given some credit that you never spell out whether all these amazing skills that you believe have now deserted Morrison were good and decent and commendable ones or horribly evil and totally disgusting ones forever ingrained in Morrison’s deplorable DNA.