Top academic honour for ‘Birmo’


Federal Finance Minister Simon Birmingham has been appointed a visiting professor of logic studies at a prestigious Australian sandstone university (pictured above).

The University of Adelaide – the minister’s alma mater – contacted Senator Birmingham and offered him the role after hearing his explanation as to why voters at the 2019 federal election had endorsed the government’s industrial-strength, gold-standard pork-barreling that had preceded that election.

Senator Birmingham is arguing that the electorate in narrowly re-electing the Morrison government had clearly agreed there was nothing wrong or improper with any of that pork-barreling even though they had no idea of it at the time, the inference being that the government would be perfectly entitled to repeat the process before the next election if they haven’t begun the process already.

“This man simply has to be on staff, even if only a visiting professorial role given his other duties on behalf of a grateful Australian nation,” the university’s vice chancellor was understood to have exclaimed once he heard of the Senator’s clear and concise and logical explanation.

While Senator Birmingham graduated from the university with a master of business administration, he did include many classes in logical thought while on campus to fully prepare him for not just the world of business but politics that, by then, he had begun to map out as a likely four-phase pathway on his career horizon.

One paper he wrote in his final year at the university astounded many on staff.

In the treatise, student Birmingham argued that if two men spend a big night in a bar – one drinking only whisky and water and the other only rum and water and both get uproariously drunk – then water as the common component is what made both men drunk.