A heartfelt plea to my fellow sewer rats

Time is now of the essence, my fellow sewer rats, if we are to save Australia from another term in office of Scott Morrison.

We’re going to have to pick up the scuttlepace along these social media pipes of ours, folks, and fling more shit with more force than ever before at this mendacious mound of malignancy and his ministry of misfits, miscreants, malingerers and morons.

Did I mention we can be rather personal in this endeavour? I’ll never forget how during the 2019 campaign Morrison opened his gob and came out with “Bill Shorten lies. That’s all he does. He lies and he lies and he lies” ad nauseum.

Yes, I know. Rather ironical, isn’t it, now we know Morrison can’t lie straight in bed.

For make no mistake, the very future of our country is at stake here and there remains a chance that the most corrupt government in this nation’s history might still manage to fall across the line. The Australia I know and still try my best to love wouldn’t survive that dreadful outcome.

Never forget Morrison has the template from last time.

A litany of lies about Labor policies. A small target policy himself, based once more on his appeal that his flattening of the income tax scales means Aussies can keep more of their own money.

Wishy-washy words on a net-zero emissions target, so the mainstream media can once again hammer Labor on the cost of such silliness.

A massive, pre-election, taxpayer-funded ad campaign about how good they’ve been.

Gold-standard pork-barreling – now fully sold by Gladys Berejiklian as a fair political practice because both sides do it – the level of which we won’t be fully aware of until well after the election.

Clive Palmer is reportedly cashed up so maybe another $90million plus splurge on largely anti-Labor ads.

And, of course, the sycophantic adulation of most of the mainstream media. In fact that will be worse than last time. Those media outlets still capable of moving further to the right have done so in recent times.

Which is where we come in, fellow sewer rats.

In whatever months are left before the election, we are going to have to do the job the MSM has abrogated. We’re going to have to spread the shitful truth about this shitty Morrison government.

The likes of Morrison and the odious Dutton have thrown plenty of shit our way, too. Let’s face facts: they hate us because they can’t control us. Hence our sewer rat label.

Another irony, right? Morrison hates what he calls trial by media yet is going to happily sit back on his lardarse in the months ahead, exhausted by his daily photo ops, as the MSM lavishes him with praise and lunges like wild attack dogs at Anthony Albanese and Labor.

So we come the the core of the problem. Morrison and the MSM now crave a COVID election.

It won’t be based on any semblance of reality, given the fact that Morrison had to be brought screaming and kicking to any reasonable response on the pandemic. He vehemently rejected Labor’s suggestion for Jobkeeper and Jobseeker styled responses to see the nation through to the other side.

It was Scott “get out from under the doona, go watch the Sharkies and learn to live with this virus” Morrison from the get-go. He then lost some bark as Father of the Nation by handing over quarantine responsibilites to the states; ditto for a flawed vaccine rollout based on bullshit and spin.

But hello! The Father of the Nation and Vaccine Man are back in vogue with the eager support of the Liberal arselicking MSM, who now think an early election is fair an reasonable and a promise to have people immunised by the end of the year trumps any earlier failed rollout promises.

In a startling about-face that would mightily embarrass anyone with a human understanding of the concept of hypocrisy, Morrison has studied the recent poll-winning formula of state and territory leaders and is now declaring he wants to keep all Australians safe. It’s Fortress Australia and “I loves youse all and I’ll keep you safe” from the narcissistic sociopath as he feigns empathy and a tear or two right up to 6pm on polling day.

And with the MSM’s help, he could just get away with it.

But that’s where we sewer rats come in. We’ve got to get the message out that there is a vast difference between Morrison and the state and territory leaders he now aims to emulate just long enough to get re-elected. The main points we need to make: those leaders put their citizens’ lives first at all times; they also appear to be quite decent human beings which puts him at a serious disadvantage.

So it should be a simply task, right?

But no. We must always remember that many of the people who were shaking their heads last night watching those public servants and minister Birmingham on the TV news and current affairs making shameful, disgraceful fools of themselves at Senate estimates over various faux inquiries over the alleged rape of Brittany Higgins have already sussed out this government.

Ditto for readers of Crikey that put out a comprehensive list yesterday of the Liar from the Shire’s greatest fibs.

We sewer rats have to target those watching Naked Celebrity Ninja Chefs Getting Food Poisoning at First Bite on Channel 9 after watching the 6pm news showing Morrison hammering a nail or giving a thumbs-up from a truck or cockpit window on his way to another resounding Better PM poll victory, courtesy of some Chris Uhlmann Liberal talking points.

If there were a God – and by that I mean a real, benevolent and kind God and not the money-hungry, Rapture-threatening, tongue-talking, I’m-so-powerful-I-can-knock-people-over-using-someone- else’s-hand cunt that Morrison pretends to worship – then there’s no way in the world Morrison should get within cooee of winning an election over COVID-19 or anything else this three-term government campaigns on.

So get out there fellow sewer rats and start throwing shit! And please leave his wife and daughters out of it; haven’t they suffered enough?

Don Gordon-Brown