A WORLD BUG EXCLUSIVE!
British funnyman Bob Mortimer has resumed a frequent role as stand-in for Pope Leo XIV, The Bug can proudly reveal after a thorough forensic examination of a photograph claiming to be the Pontiff at the window of a Rome hospital after lung cancer surgery (above and below).
“It’s definitely that bloke from Would I Lie to You?,” Chat GPT responded when we sent the picture to it.
AI’s conformation of Mortimer’s role will send shockwaves through the world’s 1.4 billion Catholics who will now understandably be very concerned about Pope Leo’s actual condition following his operation.
That concern will only be exacerbated by our next revelation: Mortimer has agreed to play Pope Leo’s part to fulfil the Vicar of Christ’s promise to tour Uruguay, Argentina and Peru next month.
“Apart from being a doppelgänger for our beloved Pontiff,” a Vatican-based cardinal said on the condition of anonymity, “and apart from those totally unbelievable life stories he told on Would I Lie to You?, Bob – and I mean Britain’s Bob, not our Bob – is a wonderful voice mimic and I think the South American tour will be no problem for him.”
“He’s already worked wonders simply by slipping on the Pontiff’s robes, skull cap and glasses for Vatican window appearances and short Popemobile trips around Rome for a while now when the Bishop of Rome has been confined to bed for whatever reason. He is in his 70s, for Christ’s sake. Please cut that last bit out.”
The Bug has known of Mortimer’s semi-regular stand-in performances but kept quiet for the simple reason that the world’s Catholics have enough to worry about without being alerted to his occasional stand-in performance for some months now and what that suggests about His Holiness’s health.
The Bug is also rather proud of its very small part in the Vatican hiring Mortimer in the first place after a senior church official there read one of our posts from a while ago and saw the role Mortimer could play for health or security reaons. The link’s below.
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