FAR-RIGHT FUCKWITS:
The Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) in Brisbane at the weekend drew a long line of right and far-right wing political identities and politicians. Reporters from The Bug’s Brisbane bureau were on hand to cover the event which, due to the age of those in the audience, was rebranded as CPAP just before it began on Saturday morning.
Former deputy prime minister and ex-National Party leader and now One Nation MP, Barnaby Joyce, was almost a no-show at the CPAP conference when he failed to appear on Saturday at the appointed time for his speech to delegates.
A spokesperson for Mr Joyce said he had been “confused” about access to the conference hall at the convention centre located within the Bowen Hill showgrounds of the Royal National Association (RNA).
“Unfortunately CPAP booked the hall for the same weekend as the Brisbane Oktoberfest which is held each year in another part of the RNA grounds,” a spokesperson for Mr Joyce said.
“A One Nation staffer was sent to find Barnaby who had secured a spot on a planter box and, being the greatest retail politician in Australia’s history, was well into his fifth stein,” the spokesperson said.
“Luckily he was caught just before he was about to share his bratwurst with some festival-goers and was helped to the conference hall.” (main picture)
Mr Joyce was then able to belch his speech before repeatedly yelling “Shut up!” at a non-existent dog in the front row of the audience.
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Organisers of the CPAP conference in Brisbane were forced to rush the stage to seize the microphone from National Party leader, Senator Matt Canavan, when audience members began berating and physically threatening him soon after he started his speech. (below)
Senator Canavan had uttered just a few words before some elements in the audience started shouting abuse at him.
Various expressions were hurled at him including, “Get off the stage!”, “Get a job!”, “Welcome to my country!”, “Fuck the Voice!”, and “Hand back the free houses and millions a week you get in welfare!”.
It was when some in the audience left their seats and approached the stage dangling miniature nooses they had hastily fashioned from their Chinese-made mock cotton CPAP delegates bags that officials and conference security guards stepped in.
After seizing the stage microphone one CPAP official explained to the seething crowd that Senator Canavan was not an Aborigine, but was sporting the cosplay coal-miner’s face and high-viz clothing he reserves for public appearances.
Delegates then resumed their seats and Senator Canavan continued his speech.
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One Nation leader, Senator Pauline Hanson, has drawn flak by using the CPAP conference to dismiss federal Opposition Leader, Anus Taylor, as a “smarmy management consultant”.
Oliver Aginous, spokesperson for the Australian Federation of Smarmy Management Consultants, said his organisation was seeking an immediate public apology from Senator Hanson.
“Her remark comparing our members to Anus Taylor is an insult to smarmy management consultants everywhere,” Mr Aginous said.
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