NRL GRAND FINAL:
Australian Rugby League Commission (ARLC) chair, Peter V’landys, has made surprising last-minute changes to the entertainment program previously announced for today’s NRL grand final.
In a shock move Mr V’landys has announced that all contracted acts which had been scheduled to present pre-match and half-time entertainment had been sacked.
“I’ve torn up all of their contracts,” the rugby league supremo told shocked reporters outside Stadium Australia in Sydney. “Instead of those performers we’ll have just two, and I’ll be one of them.
“I’ll be performing at half-time, showcasing my hidden talents as an Elvis impersonator under my stage name Sal Vegas. (main picture)
“I’ll be doing a long list of Elvis favourites, complete with his signature hip-swivelling moves, his trademark sneer, all while accompanying myself on guitar for some of the songs.”
Mr V’landys said he had signed now US-based Australian singer Fairlie Arrow to be the sole pre-match performer. (below)
“Fairlie contacted me last week and asked to perform and I initially hesitated,” he said.
“But then she told me she was the wife of Jai Arrow and of course that sealed the deal.
“She is costing the NRL a bomb to take to the stage, but I reckon she’ll be worth it.
“The NRL has agreed to pay her performance fee, as well as return first-class airfares from the US to Sydney, and has also agreed to pay the hefty ransom she says her kidnappers are demanding to release her from forced captivity.”
Sources within the Australian Rugby League Commission (ARLC) said they believed the move by Mr V’landys to take centre stage at the grand final was part of a bigger plan.
“You’ve got to give Peter credit for being a long-term, strategic thinker,” the source said.
“Sal Vegas – an obvious play on Las Vegas – is a character Peter usually trots out only at Christmas parties or other in-house celebrations at the ARLC.
“But he’s worked out that if he gets to perform on a bigger, likely world stage such as at the NRL grand final, then it will catch the eye of football fans in and around Las Vegas who will then be easier to convince to support the next NRL season opener games played there in February.
“I understand Peter is also exploring the possibility of securing a residency as Sal Vegas at one of the city’s casinos in the lead-up to the February games,” the source said.
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