The column that has fun with the smaller mistakes and missteps of Australia’s mainstream mediocre; that pays homage to those sweet little fishes that individually don’t amount to a full meal but collectively can cause a tummy upset over the overall state of the once great and noble craft of journalism in this country.

We’re pretty sure all of youse BUGgers out there miss, as we do, that wonderful Lamentable Puns segment on Shaun Micallef’s Mad as Hell where he tried to dissect, with the help of The Daily Telegraph junior sub-editor Chris Lorax (Tosh Greenslade) truly terrible and often totally baffling and illogical unfunny punny headings used by that unquality compact.

Once, they discussed three dreadful examples of these tortured puns and words tweaked for the sake of naughtiness on just one page of the Daily Tele.

We’ve normally got enough on our plate without bothering to harvest similar and quite regular material from just about every Newscorpse print medium and various electronic mediocre platforms as well but thought we’d take a look at how our MSM responded to Gold Coast city mayor Tom Tate making a meal of his explanation as to why he definitely dined with Donald Trump at Mar-a-Largo earlier this year.

We’ll start with this offering from a southern Seven News bulletin.

We suspect it’s just a slight variation of “tit for tat” which admittedly isn’t too bad seeing the city chief and the US Commander-in-Chief both had very different recollections of how they ended up in each other’s company in Florida that night. Ditto for his heated exchange with the media. And the idea of kicking off with the word Tit probably came from some really old hack sub who fondly remembers the time when images of real tits were splashed all over unquality British redtops. Unless we’re supposed to reverse the heading in our minds and call Tate a tit!

And did you all notice our own attempt at top for attracting or retaining reads … TIT PULLS…! Not bad, hey? You didn’t have to be a dairy farmer to enjoy pulling a tit or two or even more.

So what did Tate’s local paper run with?

Tate was most certainly grilled at his media conference yesterday and it’s nicely connected to the steak (that’s grilled) and wine (that’s swilled) dinner Tate may or may not have had with the Moron of Mar-a-Lago and which Tate may or may not have paid for.

Let’s now travel up the highway to Brisbane and try to understand what The Courier-Mail‘s offering meant,

Even if it means Tate was trumped by The Orange Oaf, TOM TATE TRUMPED might have been better? To be trumped is to have been bested, of course, and we might challenge why a Gold Coast news outlet would side with the Tangarine Shitgibbon’s view over their local civic leader’s recollections, given Trump spews lies just about every time he opens his mouth and shit flows freely from his lips just like shit like a busted inbound pipe at your local sewage plant.

One of our washed up, bitter old hacks with a rather dirty mind thinks there’s a subs-liminal message behind the words UP TATE. UP TATE can easily be twisted in twisted minds to UP DATE, so maybe Tom did only meet Demented Donnie in a corridor outside the dining room at Mar-a-Lago where the greatest US president ever was walking off some bone spur pain and some up-dating did take place there and then if you get our drift?

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