WASHINGTON DC: Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States, John Roberts, says a new device he has had installed in the White House will deliver “previously unheard of efficiencies” in the court’s dealings with its major client, President Donald Trump.

Chief Justice Roberts unveiled the new system for the faster delivery of future decisions following the nine-member court’s latest 5:4 decision in the President’s favour– rejecting a challenge to the construction of the massive new White House ballroom.

The majority ruling said the National Trust for Historic Preservation did not have the legal right to challenge the project and added that if construction was stopped, US national security would be harmed.

Chief Justice Roberts did not support the majority view and sided with the three judges known to be antagonistic to many of President Trump’s political initiatives that are challenged and reach the court for adjudication.

“I really don’t know what came over me when I decided to go with the facts and support the challenge to the President’s ballroom,” he said. “But the President has since spoken at me and I have promised to do better.”

The Chief Justice explained that as part of his efforts to reconcile with the White House he had implemented a new system for delivering all future Supreme Court rulings involving President Trump.

“It consists of a specially adapted paper-towel dispenser of the kind usually found bolted to the walls in public toilets,” he said.

“But instead of disposal towels the device fixed to the wall of a small room just off the Oval Office in the West Wing of the White House (main picture) is preloaded with a roll of the type of genuine parchments that are used to print official Supreme Court rulings.

“Each parchment in the roll of several hundred is already printed with a 6:3 ruling in the President’s favour and also contains a blank box in which the White House can insert the particular finding it wishes the court to deliver.

“This will speed up the delivery of Supreme Court decisions in the President’s favour – and, really, are there any other kind?” he said.

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