The column that has fun with the smaller mistakes and missteps of Australia’s mainstream mediocre; that pays homage to those sweet little fishes that individually don’t amount to a full meal but collectively can cause a tummy upset over the overall state of the once great and noble craft of journalism in this country.

Nothing pleases the compilers of this column more than when they can draw on their expertise in word usage over millennia and help the craft’s tyros to become the very, very, best of journalists.

So for that reason alone, they first checked to see if “tyro” best described Sydney-based National Nine News reporter Massilia Aili before analysing her recent report on two passenger jets that nearly collided at Sydney Airport. She does look pretty young so they’ll run with tyro unless new evidence proves otherwise.

Nor could they find out how long Massilia has been a journo but let’s now assess the judgement passed on her work by the bitter, old and twisted former hacks who compile this column.

On a recent Nine News Sydney bulletin, newsreader Peter Overton and then Massilia made it clear from the get-go that pilots on both aircraft saw the danger, applied the brakes and avoided a collision. But then Massilia said a flight attendant had been “flung to the ground during the moment of impact, injuring her wrist”.

The ground? Tarmac workers ply their trades on the ground. If the trolly dolly – sorry! flight attendant or cabin manager – had hit the ground, her injuries would surely have been much, much, worse. Far more likely, she was flung to the aircraft’s passenger walkway floor, or to use its technical aviation term, the aisle, possibly while she was explaining how the lifejackets have a light and a whistle to attract the attention of sharks.

But the bigger worry for our compilers is the use of “the moment of impact”.

Okay, we can understand what she was hoping to convey by using those words, and perhaps felt safe by using them, but in the wider context of two planes in a near-hit situation, something along the lines of “flung to the aisle floor by the aircraft’s sudden braking…” would have been the much wiser path.

Aiming for the trifecta, our compilers accept they’re getting a little picky over Massilia’s explanation that as the Jetstar was taxiing, “a Qatar Boeing Triple 7 aircraft appeared out of nowhere”.

Hey, there’s nothing particularly wrong with a bit of colour or creative writing but this bloody big jet did not appear out of nowhere. That description also tends to suggest blame for the incident rests with the pilots on that plane. It would have been interesting if the two craft had engaged in a bit of a crumple-rumple, to see if Massilia would have reported that the Qatar jet “collided with” the Jetstar plane.

So here’s the worse bit. After decades of writing about these seemingly minor flaws, our MB compilers suspect no-one at Nine News Sydney has had a quite word with this young reporter, alerting her to these little errors … well, the first two at least. We have no doubt Massilia will develop into a damn fine reporter over time, but her pathway there would be much smoother and the journey quicker with some ongoing guidance from senior newsroom colleagues; that is if there are any left in the craft who care that its once-high standards are slipping badly.

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!