ZURICH: The head of world soccer’s governing body FIFA has defended plans to sell stakes in the World Cup to private investors and sponsors.

The plan for large corporations to buy commercial rights to the World Cup has drawn strong criticism from numerous soccer federations around the world including the influential European confederation UEFA which has accused FIFA’s leaders of “using our sport to enrich themselves and their friends”.

But at a news conference at FIFA headquarters the organisation’s president, Gianni Infantino, (main picture) rejected the claims.

“There is nothing wrong with me as FIFA president and others reorganising our… I mean, FIFA’s financial footing,” Mr Infantino said.

“Our proposal will see the future of the $Trump Meme Coin Cup… err, I mean the World Cup, secured for all time.

“In my work as FIFA president I am completely transparent,” Mr Infantino said as assembled reporters vigorously agreed with his self-assessment.

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TAMWORTH: Former deputy prime minister and former National Party leader, Barnaby Joyce, says he has been given an “almost clean bill of health” by his local GP following an annual check-up today.

“For my political opponents who think my health has been affected by the numerous times I have been called upon to clean up a political mess made by others in One Nation’s ranks, then they need to rethink,” Mr Joyce told reporters while siting precariously on a street planter box outside his local medical clinic.

“My GP is very pleased with my state of health and found only one issue that needs ongoing monitoring.

“It’s a condition whose name in technical medical terminology is somewhat difficult to pronounce – paenitentia emptionis.

“But my doctor explained that in plain English it means buyer’s regret,” Mr Joyce said before sliding sideways and hitting the footpath.

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CANBERRA: Federal Trade Minister, Senator Don Farrell, says he has clarified the concerns of the Trump administration that last week led it to slap a 12.5% tariff on Australian goods imported by the US.

“President Trump’s announcement mentioned his concerns about Australia’s stance on slavery,” Senator Farrell said.

“Initially we believed he was concerned that the Albanese Government was not doing enough to tackle the problems of Australian manufacturers overseas or at home using illegal immigrants held against their will who are forced to work in sweatshops to produce cheap goods which are then sent to the US to unfairly compete with American-made goods,” he said.

“But our diplomats in Washington have now confirmed that the President is annoyed that Australia does not support his plans to re-establish and legalise the trans-Atlantic slave trade to allow him to send African-American people back to Africa.

“Apparently he plans to make it a centrepiece of his campaign for the US mid-term elections and he believes it will have immense appeal to his MAGA base and have him on the springboard to victory at the 2028 presidential runoff,” Senator Farrell said.

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