THE DONALD J TRUMP WORLD CUP:
World soccer’s governing body FIFA (Federation Internationale de Football Association) has announced the cancellation of all further games in the 2026 World Cup and has named the United States of America as the winner of the current and all future competitions.
FIFA president, Gianni Infantino, (obscured and inset below) said he had taken “maybe a fifth phone call?” in a lot fewer days from US President Donald Trump and had agreed that America should be named the World Cup winner for 2026 and for all future tournaments.
This was on the basis that the US Supreme Court in an emergency session had ruled only hours earlier that the United States had won today’s elimination match against Belgium 31 to 4 on a population basis. The decision was carried four orange wigs to three.
“It’s after that result that President Trump phoned yet again, explained what the greatest supreme court in history had ruled and suggested I should call off the event in honour of such a huge margin, the most in World Cup history,” Mr Infantino said. “And I said, sure!”
“As everyone now knows, the President also rang me quite a bit the other day asking, as one president to another, for a review of the red-card suspension of US team player Folarin Balogun,” Mr Infantino said.
“How could I refuse? After all, President Trump is a FIFA Peace Prize honouree, so I immediately took action to overturn the red-card decision.
“Then yesterday he rang me again and said, as one president to another, that he was very pleased that Balogun could now play in Tuesday’s scheduled game between the USA and Belgium.
“He also asked if I had any more peace prize medals. I said I did and immediately agreed to present him with another one when I next saw him.
“Then he said he was fearful that the 2026 World Cup could be stolen off its rightful owner, the USA, just because under the rules of the game the American team didn’t win enough matches.
“That’s when, following the US-Belgium match and his Supreme Court intervention, he suggested, as one president to another, that we should wrap up the World Cup competition right now in honour of America being the greatest footballing nation ever.
“What else could I do but agree? After all, he is a two-time FIFA Peace Prize honouree.”
Mr Infantino said following the conversation he had directed FIFA officials to end the 2026 competition immediately.
He then flew to Washington DC where he presented President Trump with a third FIFA Peace Prize medallion as well as the redesigned solid-gold World Cup which has been renamed as the Donald J Trump World Cup. (main picture)
“The new trophy features an inscription declaring the USA as winner for all time of the Donald J Trump World Cup,” Mr Infantino said.
“I feel this is a good result all round, and so does President Trump. He really does deserve the fourth to seventh FIFA Peace Prize I’m having struck for daddy as we speak,” he said.
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