The column that has fun with the smaller mistakes and missteps of Australia’s mainstream mediocre; that pays homage to those sweet little fishes that individually don’t amount to a full meal but collectively can cause a tummy upset over the overall state of the once great and noble craft of journalism in this country.

The Bug would have a fairly solid bank account were it to be given a dollar for every time over a very long journey that it’s taken the piss out of how Nine News Queensland uses an over-the-top, highly inaccurate graphic but, heck, it’s only a “news” service and accompanying spiel to keep Tipping Point viewers watching at 6pm and then throughout the bulletin.

And we’ve got an absolute ripper for our MB reader this morning from Nine’s main bulletin last night with this classic image (above, left) and newsreader Mia Glover’s voiceover advising its audience to take the shortage of wee breaks during the first batch of ads or that they’ll miss something quite amazing.

Yes, what’s that, Ned?

That’s right! An absolute doozey!

Take it away, here’s Mia, before the ad break: “Frightening fireball as a car bursts into flames on the Gold Coast”.

And on her return to the screen a few minutes later: “A flaming four-wheel was found in Hope Island early this morning; firefighters discovering a Prado well alight with no number plates.”

But here comes the laugh out-loud clincher: “No-one was injured as no-one was around at the time.”

Who writes this risible rubbish that poor Mia is forced to front a “news” camera and put her professional reputation on the line by spew out such shit.

Who the fuck was frightened by seeing that burning vehicle? Were it the firefighters who turned up sometime after the car was presumably torched and one of their number perhaps took the video, may we suggest some serious retraining before they allowed to attend any further calls.

And don’t get us started about using the word “fireball” that clearly no-one saw to soil their pants over. We’ll never know if the traditional meaning of a fireball – here’s one definition we found: a literal large, surging mass of flame or explosion that expands into the air – happened but if it did, what a pity no-one got to see it. Still, to be fair fireball does start with a F!

Maybe TOYOTA TORCHED? was the far better way to go (with out without the question mark), although clearly not nearly sensational enough to keep wavering eyes glued to a “news” bulletin that’s still the one for outrageous hyperbole and totally inaccurate alliterations.

A FRIGHTENING FIREBALL screamer was just about incredible even though it clearly happened, much like the “incredible” vision Mia promised us soon after about a delicate whale rescue mission.

The depths that journalism in Australia has slumped to, according to the bitter, washed-up, old hacks who compile this column, is sadly very credible.

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