The Liberal Party has acted swiftly on a suggestion from one of its federal MPs by reworking the image of its leader* Anus Taylor. (main picture)

Melissa McIntosh, MP for the Sydney seat of Lindsay, (below) has raised the possibility of a rebrand of the Liberal Party to give it greater cut-through with voters following its devastating defeat at the 2025 election.

While acknowledging the need for some sort of branding change, the party’s federal secretariat has instead decided to revamp the image of Mr Taylor on the advice of advertising gurus and ABC TV’s Gruen panellists Russel Howcroft and Todd Sampson. (left to always right on any marketing question below)

Mr Howcroft explained the shift in tactics by saying: “While Melissa is on the Right track…, I mean the right track with the idea of a rebrand, it’s not the Liberal Party as a hole…, I mean as a whole that’s the problem. Yeah?

“The main problem is the image of its leader Anus Taylor. Yeah? So that’s what Toddy [Sampson] and I have worked on and I think the result is brilliant! Yeah?”

Mr Sampson nodded agreement before adding: “Did you notice I’m wearing a t-shirt?”

Mr Howcroft said he and Mr Sampson had workshopped ideas to rebrand Mr Taylor and concluded a change of name was in order.

“His current name doesn’t have any cut-through. Yeah?” he said. “His first name especially is a bit dull and his surname doesn’t tell voters what he’s all about. Yeah?

“So we’ve decide he should use two first names that Aussies can better relate to. Yeah?

“We’ve come up with ‘Paul’ and ‘Ian’, which are names average voters can recognise and remember. It’s brilliant! Yeah?”

Mr Sampson nodded agreement before adding: “Did you notice I’m wearing a t-shirt?”

Mr Howcroft said he and Mr Sampson had also recommended a new surname for the Opposition Leader.

“We thought it needed to be a name that lets voters know what kind of guy he is. Yeah? A man of action. Yeah? We’ve suggested ‘Hands-On’. Brilliant! Yeah?

“So from today on it’s goodbye Anus Taylor and hello Paul Ian Hands-On. Brilliant. Yeah,” Mr Howcroft said.

Mr Sampson nodded agreement before adding: “Did you notice I’m wearing a t-shirt?”

Mr Howcroft said the next step in the makeover was to refresh Mr Hands-On’s wardrobe.

“We’re going to get him out of suits and ties. Yeah? This arvo we’re taking him to get fitted for a burqa to wear into parliament. Brilliant! Yeah?”

Mr Sampson nodded agreement before adding: “Did you notice I’m wearing a t-shirt?”

*At time of publication.

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