CANBERRA: Opposition Leader Anus Taylor has asked the world soccer governing body FIFA to urgently review its rules on scoring prior to the Socceroos’ next appearance in its match against the USA on Saturday.

At a Canberra news conference Mr Taylor (main picture) moved to reinforce the Liberal-National coalition’s hard-line anti-immigration stance by calling for a rules change as well as a count-back of the final scores in the World Cup match the Socceroos won against Turkiye.

“People need to know the coalition is fair dinkum when it comes to immigration which is why I want a recount of the 2-0 win the Socceroos had over Turkiye in the recent Group D round,” Mr Taylor said.

“The coalition doesn’t want to accept immigrants which is why we won’t accept any of the goals they scored or helped to score in that match.  

“So I am asking FIFA to examine the goals and the Socceroos who scored them and issue a new result.

“I reckon the match should still be given to the Socceroos but by a margin of 1-0 because of the two players who scored goals, Connor Metcalfe (left below) was born in Newcastle and Nestory Irankunda (right below) was… well, enough said really,” Mr Taylor said.

He said FIFA needed to impose new scoring rules to eliminate goals by immigrants in all future World Cup matches.

“FIFA needs to do this in time for Saturday’s Australia-versus-USA match and I’m sure Americans will back my call. I know President Trump would,” he said.

Soon after Mr Taylor’s news conference One Nation MP and former National Party leader and deputy prime minister, Barnaby Joyce, (below) was assisted to stand up in Tamworth in a bid to outflank the Liberal leader’s call to revisit the Socceroos’ win.

Going further than Mr Taylor, Mr Joyce belched: “One Nation wants FIFA to reassess the two Australian goals and if necessary call the match a nil-all draw because we do not believe we should accept goals scored by immigrants or descendants of immigrants.

“One of the Socceroos’ goals was scored by Connor Metcalfe who was born in Newcastle and the other one was scored by Nestory Irankunda who was born…. well, enough said really.

“But while it’s easy to rule out one of the goals, the one by Mr Metcalfe is more problematic.

“Do we know for sure he’s not from an immigrant family that came here to take our jobs, our houses, and our positions on national soccer teams?

“Until a full examination of his family tree can be undertaken One Nation thinks the match should be called a nil-all draw.

“I am standing very firm on that,” Mr Joyce burped before slipping sideways off a planter box in Tamworth’s main street.

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com