Businessman and right-wing political party owner, Clive Palmer, has undergone secret surgery at a Brisbane hospital as part of a radical realignment of his political tactics.

A source within Mr Palmer’s United Australia Party (UAP) confirmed that its owner had been admitted to a major hospital a fortnight ago under an assumed name. (main picture)

“Clive has since undergone a series of operations including gender reassignment,” the source said.

“The procedures have also included skin tinting that makes him look more like – and I’m sorry to get into technical medical jargon here – more like a ranga.

“Clive’s been worried about the impact One Nation’s rise in the polls has had on the national political landscape. In particular he’s concerned that it’s stealing his far-right target audience.

“He’s especially pissed off that Pauline Hanson is getting tonnes of free publicity, especially from News Crap Australia outlets, when Clive’s been the one spending up big buying ads in News Crap turdbloids left, right, and centre.

“Sorry, I should have said, buying up ads in News Crap turdbloids right, far right, and extreme right.

“Now that he’s left hospital he’s rejigged his ad campaign which will start rolling out very soon. (below)

“The new ads will play down the United Australia Party name and will step up their focus on issues that matter, like demonising immigrants and tearing social cohesion to shreds – you know, the kind of stuff Pauline does so well.

“But Clive’s very smart and he’s made sure that while the UAP badging might be somewhat downplayed, the ads will all include terms and conditions in fine print covering his ample arse if anyone objects and tries to argue they’ve been misled.

“He is, as always, nothing if not professional,” the source said.

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