WASHINGTON DC: US political observers believe US President Donald Trump has adopted a new approach to the various conflicts in the Middle East out of fear his previous hard-line attitude will backfire badly at the November mid-term elections.

The President and First Lady have temporarily moved out of the White House and have taken to a large king-size bed at Washington’s Trump International Hotel. (main picture)

“I intend to stay in bed here with Storm… I mean with Melania for as long as it takes to bring peace to the Middle East, if not the entire world, once Vladimir gets what he wants, of course,” Mr Trump told reporters gathered at his bedside.

“As I said to Bibi, all we are saying is give peace a chance.

“It’s already working too,” he added, referring to the pause in missile attacks between Iran and Israel announced overnight.

“As you know I’ve so far settled 39 wars which should by now have entitled me to at least 12 Noble [sic] Peace Prizes.

“But of course the woke lefty judges don’t give me credit for any of that and all I have is just one prize, and even then I had to have the name of that woman from Vuvuzela [sic] erased and my name inserted instead – in raised solid gold letters, of course.”

Mr Trump said he planned to stay in bed for an indefinite period and would leave his hotel room only to attend the wrestling match being staged on the White House lawn for the 250th anniversary of American independence and to “take a walk across the repainted reflecting pool in the Washington mall”.

“If necessary I’ll also go to Walter Reed [Army Military Centre] if they need to check on my very advanced dementia,” he said before whispering to his wife, “I’m glad I didn’t say that bit out loud”, then falling asleep while breaking wind loudly and following through.

When asked what it was like staying in bed with her husband for what could be a lengthy period, the First Lady remained silent and almost unmoved.

The only indication that she had heard the question was evident from her rapid blinking which when later played back and analysed was found to be a Morse code message saying “Kill me, now”.

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