LONDON: Unconvicted war criminal and former UK prime minister, Tony Blair, has followed up his attack on his former party by dispensing more free advice on where it has gone wrong under current leader Sir Keir Starmer.

Mr Blair has controversially entered the public debate in Britain on the UK Labour Party’s current woes by offering free advice including his suggestion that Labour needed to get closer to the Trump administration. (below)

“I also suggest that UK Labour gets a lot closer to Bibi Netanyahu, as I have done,” Mr Blair said in a follow-up interview following publication of his initial remarks.

“I have been working closely with both Bibi and Donald Trump in my role on the new body backed by the US and Israel, the Bored of Peace, which is overseeing real estate… I mean rehabilitation plans for Gaza following Bibi’s minor incursions into the area.

“Those plans have been made possible only by Bibi’s efforts to reduce population densities in Gaza so that there is plenty of room for new Israeli settlers.

“I only wish that the UK Labour Party would listen to me, particularly my advice about Donald Trump, because I have such a good track record in working with US presidents, especially in the Middle East,” he said. (below)

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CANBERRA: Prime Minister Anthony Albanese (below) has moved swiftly to outflank the coalition parties and One Nation after a second group of so-called “ISIS brides” landed in Sydney and Melbourne late yesterday.

“When the first batch of these lowlifes landed here a month or so ago I made it clear that I hold these burqa-wearing Muzzies in contempt,” Mr Albanese said. “My attitude still stands as far as the second group that arrived last night is concerned.”

Mr Albanese said he had organised for several of the women returning from refugee camps in the Middle East to be placed in stocks and pillories in the Bourke Street Mall in Melbourne and in Sydney’s Martin Place where “decent average Aussies” could throw rubbish, empty bottles, or bags of dog faeces at them.

“When the first group of ISIS brides arrived I said that my mother would have said: They made their bed and now they have to lie in it,” he said.

“This time I go further, as my dear old mum would also say: These terrorist towelhead bitches can go fuck themselves,” he added before checking several real-time political polling websites.

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