United Australia Party chairman Clive Palmer has been placed in a secure psychiatric unit attached to the Gold Coast University Hospital (above) after the relevant state authorities who had become genuinely worried about his mental health acted swiftly just on dawn today.

Queensland Health Minister Tim Nicholls has confirmed to The Bug that the mining billionaire was bundled out of his Gold Coast mansion after the state’s key psychiatric services finally decided that Palmer was clearly incapable of managing his own finances and his sectioning was “for his own good”, according to a spokesperson for Queensland’s head shrink.

The loony bin van with the men in white with sedative-filled syringes just as a precaution headed out to Palmer’s home after authorities were told of the latest full-page ads (pages 2 and 3 from today’s Sydney Morning Herald, below) from Palmer on behalf of his party and calling on people to join something called The New Deal.

Those ads are just the latest in a series of costly placements nationwide as Palmer continues his campaign as a political activist who never achieves any goals he sets.

A source in the Gold Coast University Hospital’s nut wing was fairly blunt in his assessment of Palmer. “He’s already spent hundreds of millions of dollars at recent federal election under various party names and to achieve what? Four-fifths of three-sevenths of fuck all.

“It now looks likely he’s going to splash records amounts at the 2028 election to get, what, one or two per cent of the primary vote? You’ve got to be pretty sick in the head to even think of doing that.

“But what I think made the state’s mental health authorities act is that Palmer thinks images of his Victorian senator and only UAP sitting pollie anywhere – Ralph Babet – is a good idea.”

“Babet truly is as mad as a cut snake and the classic example of a bumbling, babbling moron whose lips have never seen a logical or sensible or considered thought pass their way and if Palmer thinks promoting him is a good idea, then the poor fat bastard will be spending a lot of time with us. We’ve got an enormous amount of work to do.”

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com