ELIZABETHAN ERA SADLY ENDS:

Lord Downer of Adelaide Hills says the period of mourning currently in place at his family seat Pout House will be extended until further notice in light of the death of Queen Elizabeth II.

Addressing assembled media representatives he had summoned to his estate that rightly takes up most of the Adelaide Hills shortly after dawn today, His Lordship (main picture) said he had also ordered all young male staff to wear their trousers at half-mast until further notice.

Holding back tears, Lord Downer said he and his family as well as Pout House staff and visitors would abide by the strictures he had imposed.

Speaking directly to reporters, he said: “You ruffians, despite your grossly inferior intellect – not to mention incomes – may well recall that I announced a period of mourning some three years ago.

“My instruction, as your feeble and addled minds may recall, followed the defeat of my dear darling daughter, Lady Georgina, at the 2019 federal, so-called election.

“Ever since that tragic day I have made sure that Pout House has observed strict mourning rules including restricting all meals to five courses and banning the use of marrowscoops at table.”

His Lordship then paused and, with lips quivering, drew a lace kerchief from a sleeve and dabbed his eyes.

Suddenly looking skyward he raged: “Lord, why do you test me so? First my darling daughter is denied her rightful gift of a seat in our so-called parliament and now Her Majesty is taken from me.”

Lord Downer then sat in silence for some moments before declaring he had nothing further to say to the assembled reporters who were led from his sight.

A few of them, stealing a backward glance, saw His Lordship adjusting to half-mast the leather jodhpurs of a firm young barechested equerry before swooning and falling into his arms.

The equerry was quickly joined by a footman – also shirtless and with his sheer muslin trousers at knee height –  and together they took His Lordship in their arms and awkwardly shuffled him towards his upstairs private quarters.