Billy, you’ve got to be kidding!

My old man used to often say that something was as slow as a wet week.

Which is as good a way as any to start a review of the mini-series, Billy the Kid, now streaming on Stan and being flogged in TV ads.

Now I don’t mind shows that start off slowly as scenes and themes are set. But eventually they’ve got to speed up a little to keep the viewer satisfied.

The sets are amazing, the scenery lovely, the acting is fine and the rattlesnake looks a bit dodgy but sadly the pace would embarrass a snail and I’ve drifted away after three episodes. I guess I prefer things to move along just a little big faster than a couple of covered wagons trundling west on the prairie.

The clincher for me – apart from the show’s slow and unmeasured pace – was when Billy and a fellow thug try to steal the hard-earned from a Chinese couple just trying to make an honest living by running a laundry in a frontier shithole.

I’m not sure which of the clowns does this but to gain entry, they smash a window around the back to reach in and use the inside door knob – the keyhole below is empty – to open the back door that obviously isn’t locked. If only they had just tried the outside door knob first and avoided alerting the sleeping couple, eh? Talk about a chink in the best-laid of burglary plans.

Crooks this dumb deserve everything coming their way in their short and meaningless lives but really: who writes and directs this shit?

At top: Actor Tom Blyth appears to fall asleep while checking over his lines between takes on the set of Billy the Kid.

Don Gordon-Brown