Give it a break, precious petal!

Being petty and picky and pouting doesn’t suit you…

Okay, looking at that face of yours, maybe it does.

But I really must urge you to give up this nonsense argument that Labor doesn’t have a mandate to govern and, by inference, it doesn’t deserve to be in power after attracting only 32.58 per cent of the primary vote at the election.

Senator Hollie is the Opposition’s assistant climate change minister who decided earlier this week that claiming Labor had no mandate to govern wasn’t enough so she also declared climate change a “luxury” and “woke” issue.

The no-mandate claim is deceitful, it’s demeaning and it’s destructive to the faith Australians should have in our electoral system and our model of democracy. Far too many younger Aussies are losing faith in that system; are you happy to see that continue, Holls?

You, other Liberals and many in the mainstream media seem hellbent on trying to delegitimise Labor’s win. It’s ugly, self-defeating politics so I’m going to ask you nicely because you do look a sweetheart: fuckingly well stop it, okay!

I’m not going to question your intelligence by explaining Australia’s compulsory preferential voting system to you ….. aw, fuck it! … my guess is that I’m going to have to.

You see, petal, that CPV system is why Labor got to 51.87 per cent to the LNP’s 48.13 on a two-party-preferred basis. And that’s why Labor won the election with an, albeit small, majority in the lower house and why Anthony Albanese got to ride bamboo push bikes with the President of Indonesia and not Scott Morrison.

And it’s why Albo will be warmly greeted at the G20 later in the year whereas Morrison would be on his lonesome at the back as usual, looking like he’s just dropped the biggest of post-vindaloo curry farts – or maybe even the complete follow-through for old time’s sake.

Guess what the Liberal Party managed at the election, Hollie? A massive 23.89 per cent primary tally. We’ll do the maths for you. That’s 8.69 per cent less than Labor got.

Now hold on! Don’t get into a tizz and toss those gorgeous blonde locks of yours about in your anger and your distain. I appreciate there is a healthy percentage of “Liberal” votes among the 8.03 per cent primary vote gleaned by the LNP in Queensland.

But to be fair, I’m entitled to make the point that it is a separate party after all. You would in my position. And even if you add in the entire Queensland LNP primary vote to the Liberals’ primary vote, it’s still 0.66 below what Labor achieved!

And, so what, I’d argue, if you then added in the conservative parties that constitute the Coalition’s overall primary tally? With the Nationals and the Territory CLP you do get to 35.73 per cent of the overall primary vote! That’s still around 5.71 percent less than 2019 when you just fell across the line, mind.

But I’m guessing here – because I’m wary of trying to get too far into your thought processes just in case they’re contagious – that because 35.73 is more than what Labor got in primary votes, is that what makes it all so unfair, Hollie?

Oh, but wait! If we can add together all the main conservative party votes, surely it’s fair to add The Greens’ tally – 12.22 per cent – to Labor to get some sense of the centre-left vote across this amazing red, blue, green, teal and brown land of ours? That’s okay, isn’t it, Holls?

See what happens then, Hollie? Hon? Princess? Airhead?

Labor gets a majority of House of Reps seats and gets to govern and fly places in Shark One!

Morrison got to sulk in Kirribilli House for two weeks and deplete its wine stocks as a final fuck-you to Australia.

What is it about you Liberals when it comes to sulking and sooking and spitting out the dummy?

Don Gordon-Brown

PS: This little Twitter exchange between the Australian Electoral Commission and another of your ilk – bleating about the unfairness of it all – might help you better understand things. I doubt it but there’s always hope. Please try to comprehend things using both eyes and not just the right one.