Nat women seek more posts

National Party female MPs are demanding a bigger share of frontbench positions in the new Coalition shadow ministry.

Several senior National Party women have held a news conference at Parliament House in Canberra to outline their demands for frontbench positions in the new opposition line-up now being devised between Liberal Party leader Peter Dutton and their own leader David Littleproud. (main picture)

Among them was a previously low-profile MP, Bernie Joyce, (third from right) who stressed the value women MPs could deliver to the opposition in the coming term.

“Women are some of the greatest retail politicians in the nation, if not the world,” she said as her colleagues nodded in agreement,” Ms Joyce said.

“That obviously comes from all the shopping they’ve done over many years,” she added as her fellow MPs shifted uncomfortably. “You know, buying groceries for their hubby’s dinner and the like.”

Pausing only to belch and vigorously pick her underwear out of her bum crack, Ms Joyce said it was widely anticipated that more women would be included in the shadow ministry and it was essential that she was one of them.

“If you’re not in the shadow cabinet you’ve got fuck all chance of getting your arse on ministerial leather when we win back government in three years. Pardon my French,” she said.


New Opposition Leader Peter Dutton has reaffirmed that he will take a less combative approach in the coming parliamentary term and has denied the Liberal Party is clinging to a “born to rule” mentality.

“I want to make it clear that I have nothing personal against any Labor Party MP,” Mr Dutton said.

“None of them can be held personally responsible for the voters getting it so very wrong on election day.

“So I will be insisting that the Liberal and National parties take a good hard look at whatever the Albanese Government proposes before we oppose it outright as hard as we can.”


A senior Labor Party source says an embarrassing confrontation was avoided just before Tuesday’s first party-room meeting of MPs in the new Albanese Government.

“Just as our returning and newly elected MPs were filing into the party room in Parliament House, Kristina Kenneally turned up at the door,” the source said.

“She was accompanied by several heavy-set blokes from the NSW Right of the Labor Party wearing wrap-around sunnies who stopped each MP and very firmly asked them to give up their seat for Kristina.

“Needless to say they didn’t have any joy and left before Albo and all the media reps with cameras turned up to record his grand entrance and rousing speech to the troops.

“The last I saw of them, KK and her associates were heading in the direction of the Coalition party rooms.

“Apparently they’d heard that the Libs were considering running a female ex-premier of NSW in North Sydney,” the source said.