Dick slightly aroused by PM

The bellend of The Bug‘s world-famous and patented big swinging dick electoral pendulum – yes, we know, the one that looks a lot like Rupert Murdoch! – has moved slightly towards Scott Morrison and his LNP government.

As Buggers would know, our pendulum tracks the movements in the LNP primary vote to determine its chances of victory. And now that all major pollsters have reported, we can confirm that the LNP’s average primary vote now stands at a whopping 34.75 per cent. That’s only 6.69 per cent below the 41.44 per cent it achieved back in 2019 to just limp into majority government.

And The Bug, just to show how fair and balanced we always are, has left off the most recent Ipsos poll for The Australian Financial Review that registered a 29 per cent primary vote for Smoko and his bandits. That was some time ago and if included would have shrunk that primary vote even more.

With probably only an election-eve Newspoll to come, this will be our last big swinging dick pendulum assessment before Saturday.

The Bug‘s inhouse psephologist who invented the big swinging dick pendulum one afternoon when he was playing with himself says people hoping for a change in government shouldn’t be too disheartened by the narrowing of recent polls.

“The LNP still has a mountain to climb to even get to a position where they might be able to cobble together a minority government,” he said.

“I think we should also take a long, hard, look also at two of the recent polls whose canvassing times overlapped. Newspoll late last week has Labor’s primary vote down one to 38; the RPM poll overnight has Labor down three to 31.

“The gap there is larger than the margin of error for both so someone’s got it terribly wrong.

“The RPM poll was mainly conducted later but I cannot honestly see any major hiccup or stumble on Labor’s side that would account for a 3 per cent drop in their primary vote.

“It goes in the face of a general feeling among the MSM scribes that the momentum was with Labor in the fifth week of campaigning.

“If Morrison’s bullshit superannuation housing scheme relased at his Sunday launch/snoozefest has resonated out there in the electorate, I’ll take down my amateur psephologist shingle and burn the fucking thing.”

The Bug‘s patented big swinging dick electoral pendulum is named in honour of a big swinging dicks club that used to hold sway in federal parliament in days of old. Some of its members and the men they use to hang down from have since left politics.