Dick stays put for now

Blood had neither pumped into, or seeped out of, The Bug‘s world famous, patented, big swinging dick electoral pendulum over recent days.

Even the earlier-than-expected release of the second-last Newspoll of the campaign has failed to shift the pendulous dick with a bellend that Bug readers by now have surely realised looks remarkably like a certain nonagenarian, flaccid-arsed, ethically bereft, criminally inclined, money hungry, self-centred New York-based American citizen whose personal and financial interests have forever had fuck-all to do with Australia’s.

That poll released on Friday has the Morrison government stagnating on a 35 per cent primary rate. As Buggers would also know, the big swinging dick electoral pendulum averages the LNP primary vote across five major polls to see whether Smoko and his bandits have any chance at all of reaching the 41.44 per cent primary vote they cobbled together in 2019 to just fall across the line.

To add to the government’s woes, The Bug‘s in-house psephoogist reckons preference flows to the LNP will not be as strong at this election as they were in 2019 when Clive Palmer’s $90 million ad spend was far more anti-Labor in its vitriol.

With the unchanged Newspoll figure, the current average – now based, admittedly, on some polls that are a week old – is an election-losing 32.9 – a whopping eight-and-a-half percentage points below their 2019 achievement

The Bug‘s patented big swinging dick electoral pendulum is named in honour of a big swinging dicks club that used to hold sway in federal parliament in days of old. Some of its members and the men they use to hang down from have since left politics.

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Liberal Party sitting members and candidates who are being threatened by so-called Teal candidates in a number of seats around the nation have published a full-page joint statement in Sunday papers begging Prime Minister to stop campaigning immediately – anywhere in Australia.