A new Morrison aims to win

Prime Minister Morrison has already started to deliver on his vow to be a totally different person if he is returned to office next Saturday and has directed other senior figures in his  government to follow his lead.

A senior Liberal Party campaign strategist said the Prime Minister had followed up on his vow by undergoing emergency sex reassignment surgery overnight and changing his name. (main picture)

“He’ll… I mean she’ll, now be called Teal Morrison and we’re confident he… she will win back women and moderate voters in the last week of the campaign,” the source said.

“Scomo…., I mean Temo, has yet again proved what a marketing genius he is.

“He….. I mean she has directed others in her government to follow her lead including Deputy PM and Nationals’ leader, Joyce Joyce, formerly Barnaby Joyce. (below)

“As trans women both will now be free to campaign heavily in the inner-city seats on behalf of moderate government MPs who are under pressure, although they both will avoid Warringah so they don’t embarrass Katherine Deves.”

In a brief news conference outside the hospital where she underwent sex-change Mrs Morrison explained how she arrived at the decision to become a woman.

“I spoke to my wife Jenny – or I should say, my now lesbian wife Jenny – about why I wasn’t appealing to female voters and she told me to think more like a woman,” Ms Morrison said.

“Being the marketing genius I am, I just took that to the next step and here I am.”

Joyce Joyce, speaking from the front bar of a hotel in Dubbo, said she willingly underwent sex-change surgery as soon as possible after the Prime Minister raised the issue with her.

“It’s something I’ve had in mind for a long time because it’s a way to avoid any more allegations of inappropriate behaviour towards women,” she explained.

“I’ve now got all I need myself, so to speak. In fact since I’ve had the surgery I can’t keep my hands of myself.”