Tudge gives it a nudge

MEN’S HEALTH:

Men’s impotency support groups have praised Morrison government minister Alan Tudge for his “brave” decision to film an advertisement for Viagra.

The advertisements (above) began screening on Facebook and other social media platforms overnight and Pfizer, the pharmaceutical company that makes the erectile dysfunction pill, is considering late-night screenings on free-to-air television and in magazines as well.

In the advertisement, Mr Tudge recounts the embarrassment of “being naked in bed with a beautiful, equally naked, woman and not being able to get it up”.

“I was only 46 at the time and I was desperate to give my young staffer one on the side,” he says to camera. “Well, more than one if the truth be known,” he adds with a wink.

“And up until then I had never had any problem with cracking a fat that looked like a bulldog with its legs cut off or two cans of Coke on end,” the man who might still be the federal education minister but no-one’s really sure says in the advertisement.

“You can imagine the embarrassment I felt seeing I was used all my adult life to having a horn so stiff you could crack open macadamia nuts with it. If you didn’t have a hammer handy, or course.

“Thankfully, the young lass was very understanding and really quite sweet about things otherwise I might have lashed out in my embarrassment and accidentally kicked her out of bed!”

Get It Up! general secretary Dicky Shearman praised Mr Tudge for going public with a problem “faced by far too many men, and not just in their latter years”.

“Alan is to be commended for his bravery in taking a stand after he couldn’t get it to stand up,” Mr Shearman said.

“With the right treatment there’s no reason why men into their 90s can’t still be able to crack a stiffy capable of holding the weight of two large and very wet beach towels – and with them full of sand as well!

“That’s how I used to impress the sheilas down on Bondi Beach when I was a young blade.”