Scottie’s choice: fibber or a fungus!

Our mainstream mediocre politics “experts” have got fuck-all right so far this election campaign but they’ve nailed one point: the last fortnight is going to get very personal, down and dirty and lower than a snake’s arse.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison showed the way yesterday, changing tack – you tend to do that when various policy issues that are supposed to be your strengths fall flat – and calling Anthony Albanese “small and weak” and not up the the job of PM like Smirko is (insert prolonged canned laughter here).

Smoko will be aided and abetted as usual by media outlets such as the LNP’s Bowen Hills Branch (below right) and its chief LNP propagandist James Campbell, who writes so well and so humorously on Queensland matters from Melbourne.

The gloves are now clearly off, so here’s my advice to Albanese for tonight’s leaders’ debate on Channel 9.

Albo, you can prattle on for a while about Labor policies but what fucking good will that do? The MSM, more one-eyed than I am, will still bang on that you’ve got none and “Spoken Chris Uhlmann for the Liberal Party” will try a “gotcha” moment tonight by asking you what Arthur Caldwell’s middle name was.

You’ve got to knock out this lying, loathsome, lardarse loser (I’m back talking about Slo-Mo here) with a series of mighty punches around a central theme: why the fuck is Smoko trying so hard to keep a job he clearly doesn’t want to do?

I’d hit him in the mush with two main examples from the past Parliament: what he did or didn’t know about the alleged sexual assault in the House before the 2019 election (you can do this without harming the pending court case, as opposed to the PM’s comments that may or may not have been designed to derail the prosecution while pretending he cared about women) and the scores of colour-coded Sports rorts spreadsheets that were all over his prime minister’s office but that he never saw.

On both issues, he has either lied repeatedly in Parliament on such matters, or he has clearly told his staff that he doesn’t want to be told things – for two long years in the case of the alleged assault.

So, Albo, you’ve got to ask the Liar from the Shire what’s it to be: are you habitually mendacious or just a mushroom? Surrounded by people who’ve been told to not provide the information crucial to doing your job.

Do you lie through your teeth habitually or are you happily kept in the dark by your staff and advisers and fed shit?

Are you a fibber or a fungus? Either way, you’re not fit to be prime minister. We simply can’t afford another three years of the Sergeant Schultz of Australian politics.

That’s what I’d do were I in your shoes tonight, Albo.

Heck, I wouldn’t even bother softening him up first with some punches to his ample midriff with some of his other famous lies, like never having bagged electric vehicles and if Labor said he did then they’re lying (it takes a certain skill to layer a lie upon a lie like that) or never having tried to get Brian Houston invited to a White House soiree.

Go get him, Albo!

Don Gordon-Brown