New Carr on the campaign trail

A long-serving Labor Party senator who previously announced his retirement after failing to secure a winnable spot on his party’s Victorian election ticket has surprised colleagues by running as an independent female candidate.

The Senator formerly known as Kim Carr confirmed she had undergone major surgery including a gender reassignment procedure and had also changed her name by deed poll to improve her chances at the ballot box on 21 May.

“I have become a woman and changed my name to Kim Carr-Dashian to better my prospects,” the Senator said.

“I admit the name-change is a blatant attempt to trade off the celebrity of my now namesake.

“That was the easy part. The operations by comparison were very gruelling.

“Luckily I was spared at least one procedure since the surgeons didn’t need to alter my huge butt,” she said.

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Labor Party leader Anthony Albanese has committed another gaffe on the campaign trail by being unable to recite the birth dates of his shadow ministers.

At a heated news conference Mr Albanese (pictured) came under sustained questioning about the birthday data and attempted to offer dates of birth for a handful of shadow ministers before taking a question on a different issue.

During his answer an aide slipped a folder of biographies for all of the Labor shadow cabinet members onto the lectern, allowing Mr Albanese to answer the earlier question in full.

Later at his own news conference on health policy at a hospital in Brisbane, Prime Minister Scott Morrison initially used the incident to attack Mr Albanese’s competence.

When asked the same question about his cabinet ministers Mr Morrison rattled off a long list of birth dates for each of them before shutting down the news conference.

After checking his answers reporters found that the Prime Minister had simply plucked any reasonably sounding date of birth out of the air for each of his ministers.

When confronted as he later scrubbed up and donned a sterile surgical gown in preparation for trying his hand at performing a hip replacement operation Mr Morrison simply said he had “misspoke” and ignored further questions.

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Sources within News Crap Australia’s Sydney turdbloid The Daily Telegraph suggest a major report is being assembled by its federal political editor James Morrow exposing interference by the British royal family in Australia’s 21 May federal election.

“James was incensed after reading stories from the UK media about the appearance of the Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton, in a teal-coloured dress at a London charity event,” a source said. (pictured)

“His special report is expected to run tomorrow over several pages. James is putting more  time and effort into this report than he does for any of his previous stories.

“He’s even read the UK stories himself and made a phone call to confirm their authenticity.”