Some new tunes but oldies never fail

The Bug was proud to be invited along to a community hall in Newtown, Sydney, on Saturday afternoon to watch the Mainstream Media Political Choir go through a strenuous two-hour rehearsal to prepare for the last four weeks of the federal campaign. Afterwards, we talked to some of the choirists.

The Bug: Thanks for letting us chat to you guys. My, what a workout. You must all be exhausted?

Voices: We are!

The Bug: We couldn’t help noticing you’re still practicing an old favourite, All we want is a level playing field!, sung to the tune of All we want for Christmas. From memory, isn’t that one you normally only sing in the first weeks of a campaign?

James Campbell: That’s true but it’s good to keep in practice. Whenever a campaign starts with Labor ahead way too far, it’s the mainstream media’s job to savagely attack the ALP and try to bring their numbers down to a level playing field that all Australians not only deserve but who desperately want to see.

The Bug:: Of course! Sounds very fair. And seeing the LNP normally gains some ground during a campaign, that generally means they’ll prevail.

Chris Uhlmann: It’s what the good Lord above wants.

The Bug: So just like in 2019 you seize on an alleged gaffe by the Opposition Leader and…

James Morrow: Bring him down to earth like a lioness clawing away at a gazelle cut from his herd!

The Bug: Just like Barrie Cassidy banged on and on in the first week of the 2019 campaign about Bill Shorten’s alleged gaffe of declaring no new taxes beyond those already announced?

Voices: Exactly!

The Bug: Nikki, I can see you’ve got tears in your eyes over there Do you miss Barrie not being in the choir anymore?

Niki Savva: Yes, but I miss Malcolm Turnbull more.

The Bug: You really ripped into another of your favourite tunes for early in a campaign: Labor’s already lost the election!” I think of all your works so far, that…..

David Speers (interrupting): I think it suits my range. It really does.

The Bug: Right. I’ve noticed a lot of the old favourites there. Only the Liberals Can Manage Economies Well, It’s better the Devil You Know and Labor would Spend! Spend! Spend! to the tune of ABBA’s Money, Money Money. Wasn’t that one originally written by Malcolm Fraser?

David Crowe: That’s right. I have little solo spot there that I just love and where I get to do some tap-dancing!

The Bug: So, the concerts will continue over the next month. How long do you expect it will take to achieve this level playing field that eventually leads to a narrow but deserved victory for Scott Morrison and his Coalition?

A Peter van Onselen: It’s not going to be easy. We accept that. We’re going to have to give our all.

The Bug: One new song we’ve noticed is A hung parliament would be disastrous for the nation. By the way, that was a wonderful duet by you two, Fran Kelly and Patricia Karvelas, if you don’t mind my saying.

Karvelas: Thank you. It’s a lovely song that when we’re on stage I almost feel as if Fran and I become one! Almost the entire choir had a hand in writing it. It’s a grim warning but yet also a powerful message of hope that the only way to avoid a hung parliament is for undecided votes to swing – as the campaign draws to an end – to the natural government of this great nation of ours.

Chris Uhlmann: It’s what the good Lord above wants. He wants to keep us all safe and so do we!

General murmurs of approval including some Hear! Hear!s, some Here! Here!s and the occasional Huzzah!