Sorry, Chris, but we need to talk…

…not that it will do any good

Never thought much about this my entire life but is it possible to hear a fat being cracked?

I deadset hear something in the background – a menacing murmur at the very least – whenever Channel 9’s Chris Uhlmann is on air beating up any perceived improvement in the Morrison government’s fortunes.

Sure, it’s a slight sound difficult to pinpoint let alone categorise and you have to listen carefully but it was there last night as Uhlmann proudly declared that the government was back in the race after the findings were released of the first major poll taken after the Governor-General fired the starting gun for the 2022 campaign.

Whenever I see and hear Uhlmann on air, I instinctively look for the “I love you ScoMo!” campaign button on his manly chest. And I always wait for the “Written and spoken Chris Uhlmann for the Liberal Party of Australia” acknowledgment at the bottom of the screen as the Australian Electoral Commission demands of such things.

And why do I do that? Listen to Uhlmann banging on about the latest Resolve Political Monitor poll for The Scott Morrison Herald and The Age and you’d think the election race has already been run and won.

Call me nasty and call me mean but I’d now like to burst Uhlmann’s bubble just a little. That was a joke by the way. Uhlmann’s bubble is beyond bursting. His views cannot be swayed. Uhlmann thinks Genghis Khan was an inner-city, latte-sipping woke.

Along with Phillip Coorey, he was born believing the Liberals are and have always been better economic managers and are therefore the natural party of government. And as a former trainee priest, Uhlmann knows it’s also God’s will that the Liberals govern and you can’t get any better guidance in life than that.

It’s true that at first glance the RPM poll shows Albanese and Labor have taken quite a hit. A drop in primary vote from 38 per cent to 34 per cent is certainly something to have ALP strategists concerned.

But the key figure for mine is the LNP primary vote. It’s gone up a massive one per cent to 35 percent.

Uhlmann’s thought processes, heavily influenced by the far right side of his brain, the only part functioning and that shows up in scans, probably can’t process the fact that that rise is pretty damn poor given he and most of the MSM commentariat have declared, over and over again, ad nauseous, that Albanese’s gaffe last Monday could very well be the defining moment when Labor lost this election.

So for Uhlmann’s benefit – any many others who should fucking well know better – some basic points.

  1. The LNP’s primary vote still sits almost six-and-a-half points below the 41.44 per cent it cobbled together to just limp across the line in 2019.
  2. A MSM that has long ago jettisoned any concept of journalistic balance and integrity might want Albanese’s gaffe to be the greatest blunder in Australian political history but, trust me, forgetting a bullshit jobless rate has created a little stink that lasted about as long as Easter’s prawn shells. Australians out there struggling to survive on shitty part-time shifts on shitty wages don’t need Alan Kohler or the OECD or a Roy Morgan research poll to tell them the 4% jobless rate is crap.
  3. The RPM poll was conducted from Monday to Saturday last week, but my best bet is that most of the 1404 respondents would have been assessed before Morrison had a couple of very, very bad days at week’s end. On just one issue alone, he’s drawn a line in quicksand over a federal ICAC and, to paraphrase Paul Keating, that stubborn, stupid, stance is going to sink him slowly.
  4. The RPM poll shows that the number of undecided voters has risen from 21 per cent to 27 percent. In simple terms, Labor’s “campaign week from hell” might have cost them four primary percentage points but many have parked their vote for now. They couldn’t bring themselves to switch across to the Liar from the Shire just yet.
  5. Palmer’s United Australian Party has been far more critical this time of both major sides of politics. A very good chance exists that the LNP will need more than 41.44 per cent primary to get a fourth term in office.
  6. Finally, against Uhlman’s hopes and prayers, Albanese is very unlikely to have another week as bad as the first the MSM believed it to be if he really wants to be PM and his minders get their act together. Not that we’ll detect any better days ahead for Labor if our disgraceful, shameful, MSM has its way.

At top: I’ve fixed today’s SMH front page for them.

Don Gordon-Brown