Houston launches new church

SMALL BUSINESS:

Disgraced Hillsong Church leader Brian Houston has unveiled his new franchised  home delivery-style Pentecostal church (main picture). In this exclusive interview Mr Houston explains his decision to The Bug.

The Bug: First of all, can you outline how your new church will operate?

BH: Jim’s Pentecostals will be operated through the successful diversified franchise system started by Jim Penman as Jim’s Mowing in 1982. The idea of a franchised door-to-door church came to me after I was forced out of the Hillsong Church following those revelations that I breached the church’s moral code in my interactions with several women.

The Bug: When you say you “breached the church’s moral code” you mean you were basically a dirty old perv who used his position and power to put the hard word on female underlings who were…..

BH: Yes, If you want to put it like that.

The Bug: Well, yes I do. I mean you’re just one in a long line of so-called church leaders of all types of churches who tell everyone else how they should behave, yet if you scratch them ever so slightly you find they’re hypocrites, adulterers, kiddie-fiddlers, or in some cases, literally goat-fuckers.

BH: Okay. Okay. You’ve made your point. Let’s move on, shall we.

The Bug: We shall. Just wanted to get that off my chest.

BH: Fine.

The Bug: When did the inspiration for the new church come from?

BH: As you have pointed out in a very colourful way, I was doing a lot of preying as leader of Hillsong but when they kicked me out I went back to praying. I also did a lot of deep thinking and recalled something someone whom I thought was a close friend of mine once told me: I’ve always believed in miracles. That same person, whom I thought was a close friend, also said: If you have a go you’ll get a go. So I thought I’d have a go and a vision came to me of my new business, I mean church, Jim’s Pentecostals.

The Bug: So how will it work?

BH: I’ve been working on a marketing plan based on the Hillsong model of signing up as many followers as possible who are prepared to make a regular financial contribution to me…. I mean, to the church. Because of the Hillsong experience, people understand that they need to pay to achieve forgiveness and redemption. On that note I like to think that I put the “cost” into “Pentecostal”.

The Bug: You’ve launched the church today, Easter Sunday. Does today have any significance?

BH: Well, I do take inspiration from the resurrection of someone who was crucified but ultimately found guiltless.

The Bug: So you’re trying to draw parallels with Jesus Christ?

BH: Oh dear no. I wouldn’t do that. I was thinking more of Bill Cosby.