LNP drifts further behind

The Morrison Government has gone backwards ever so slightly in the 2022 federal election race, according to The Bug’s exclusive swinging-dick pendulum.

The Bug first used its trademarked and exclusive swinging-dick pendulum (pictured at top) for the 2019 election and it’s named obviously after the famous big swinging dicks club (below, right) that monstered people on Capital Hill back then when Christopher Pyne was clearly still a member of the prayer ro… parliament … as was Mathias “You can count on me!” Cormann.

The Bug’s inhouse amateur psephologist Don Gordon-Brown who helped create the pendulum based on a selfie that not even Malcolm Mackerras is allowed to use explains how it works.

“As the election progresses, unlike professional psepholgists such as Mackerras, Kevin Bonham and that bumbling ABC fool Antony Green whose head is always cluttered with too many facts, we concentrate purely on the LNP’s primary vote average across the major polls.

“As each pollster presents new figures, we’ll discount their previous data so that our primary vote averages are right up to date.

“For example, Newspoll on Sunday night showed the LNP primary vote static on 36 per cent. Roy Morgan overnight has shown the LNP shaving 0.5 percent of last week’s finding of 33.

“That brings the current LNP primary average down a smidge – sorry to using technical terms we psespholgists engage in to impress you common folk – to 33.38 from 33.5.

“Why do we at The Bug concentrate on the LNP primary vote figure? Apart from the fact we can’t afford to do anything else?

“We do this to compare that average with the 41.44 per cent primary vote the Morrison government got in 2019 to barely get their swinging dick bellends across the line.

“So a primary vote analysis and comparison makes perfect sense to us,” Mr Gordon-Brown added, pretending to smoke a pipe to look professorial.

“So at the moment, the Morrison government is down a whopping 8 per cent plus on that 2019 figure.

“On those figures, there’s more chance of Morrison not telling a fib at his next media call or your teeth not getting on edge the next time you hear Michaelia Cash speak than his government has of being reelected.”