China bans second Darwin port

The Morrison Government has suffered a serious blow to its re-election chances with the news overnight that China will not let Australia build a second port in Darwin.

With Prime Minister Scott Morrison set to visit the Governor-General this morning to kickstart a five or six week campaign, his government had recently made a big play, as part of its “khakia election” tactics based around their perceived advantage in border security and international affairs, by announcing it would spend $2.5 billion on that second port in the Northern Territory.

But The Bug can now reveal that China’s Ambassador to Australia has contacted Defence Minister Peter Dutton (at right) to explain that Chinese President Xi Jingping had decided to veto any competition to the People’s Republic of China’s own port in the NT capital.

“The minister is disappointed with China’s decision but can reluctantly see their point,” a spokesperson for Mr Dutton said.

“They’ve put their own national security interests before ours and I suppose you can’t blame them for that. We’d have done the same.

“China has bluntly pointed out that it would not be supplying anything for the port’s construction, from the very largest of items such as the large amounts of steel that would be needed to supplement meagre, locally made supplies from Whyalla and other building materials for the docks themselves to the hundreds of thousands of items needed to fitout the various buildings that go with a major port.

“You know, plumbing and electrical supplies right down to little stuff like taps and washers and light bulbs, to paint brushes and rollers, paint trays, drop sheets, mops and brushes, crockery, listening devices, knives and forks, saucepans and other common shit like that that Australians rely on China every day of their lives to survive, let alone dress in.

“It worked out that close to 94 per cent of everything needed to build such a port would have had to come from China or the port’s cost would have blown out to close to $15 billion to source all that elesewhere, if indeed that was possible.

“Although to be fair, Australia was soundly placed to provide the soil and plants for the port’s landscaping needs, apart, of course, from the pots the plants would have been grown in and all the wheelbarrows and other garden tools and the irrigation systems, pumps and heaps of other basic shit vital nurseries needed to grow those plants.”