Clive gets the shits

CANBERRA: Clive Palmer continues to recover slowly in a private hospital here from faecal contamination after a drift of pink flying pigs entered a side door at the National Press Club on Thursday and shat all over the United Australia Party leader the moment he strongly hinted that the UAP in all lower-house seats would preference the Australian Greens.

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MELBOURNE: Police in Victoria are appealing for public assistance to locate a third woman they believe can help them with their enquiries into a egg attack on federal Member for Hughes, Craig Kelly, in a Melbourne park yesterday.

A police spokesperson said although two women had been identified as allegedly being involved in egging Mr Kelly, a third was being sought in relation to the incident.

Police have released a photo of the woman taken from security cameras operating in the park at the time. (pictured)

“We are appealing to the public to help identify this third woman as the incident was an extremely serious one, given that it involved an attack on the alternative Prime Minister of Australia,” the police spokesperson said.

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A permanent dais is being erected outside the Sydney home of former Queensland Premier Peter Beattie (pictured) for when he begins his daily media briefings during the federal election campaign, tipped to be called tomorrow.