The Wind takes out the Sales

While I’ve got absolutely no time at all for Scott Morrison, I’m not a brutal or uncaring person and I am happy that the PM did not need first-aid treatment for the very faint limp lettuce-leaf marks left on his face after his interview with Leigh Sales on ABC’s 7.30 on Tuesday night.

As for Sales, I really do wish she’d change her decision about quitting the 7.30 chair after the looming federal election and fuck off right now. Give Laura Tingle a turn, I say!

The brutal fact is that Ms Sales didn’t lay a glove on Morrison – whom I’ve called The Wind for this piece just to fit in with the pathetic play on words in the heading above – who must have smirked away from the ABC studios wondering why the hell he has been so reluctant to be on the program of recent years and telling his advisers to book him in for as many appearances as possible during the campaign proper.

Sales started well enough with the general line of questioning and I’m paraphrasing here: Smoko, if you say you’ve done a great job for Australia, why aren’t you doing better in the polls?

But she spoilt that general line of attack by saying the polls were showing the election as “tight”, although she did say Labor was in a winning position.

Tight, Ms Sales? The four major polls that have come out since the Budget speech nine days ago have Labor ahead around 55-45 on average. One of those polls doesn’t publish a two-party figure but fairly correct assumptions can be made. Newspoll is at 54-46; Roy Morgan is at 57-43, Ipsos is at 55-45 and the RPM poll for the SMH and The Age have the LNP at 33 per cent primary, a whopping nine points below the 2019 poll outcome. As Nathan Lane once said: “You do the math!”

Further, those polls on average put Opposition Leader Anthony Albanese just ahead as preferred PM. A meaningless stat, indeed, but one that has historically favoured the incumbent. You know, the bloke actually doing the job, or not doing it in Smoko’s case.

So “tight”, Ms Sales? What fucking polls have you been watching?

Now it’s true that the polls probably should tighten in the weeks ahead – unless Smoko makes more visits to pubs near Newcastle, that is – but that’s not what Sales said.

Smoko would love to be in a tight contest right now; if he was, he’d be pretty confident with the amount of money the LNP will spend that they always claim they haven’t got, fat cunt Palmer’s $100 million-plus ad blitz, billions in corrupt porkbarreling going on right now in the marginals and a MSM even more on side than three years ago, he’d be making another “I believe in miracles!” speech come election night.

All Sales did was give the PM confidence by calling the current political fight as tight. If that’s tight, I’d hate to see when they get loose and sloppy.

So, what happened then after Sales initially started on a very fair and reasonable course of action; namely an assessment of Smoko’s character and fitness to lead? She went on to other issues that gave the PM plenty of opportunities to waffle on at length and practice his stump campaign speeches.

By interview’s end, Sales was done, dusted and deflated. The Wind rambled on unrestrained and then smirked off, after she had a little sook about whether he’d come on the program again during the campaign.

Here’s where Sales should have gone if she had initially got the state of political play even remotely right. “Mr Morrison, don’t you think you’d be faring a lot better with Australian voters right now if you didn’t lie as much as you do?”

And as soon as Smoko replied with some shit along the lines of “I don’t agree with the premise of your question…” or better still “I never lie, Leigh!” then my goodness me, as Bjelke-Petersen would have said, wouldn’t the fun have begun?

Sales could have hit Smoko with that great double lie of his: he never criticised electric vehicles and Labor was lying for saying he did. Or how for months and months he debunked as baseless rumours – that means there was no truth to them – that he had tried to get a good mate Pastor Brian Houghton invited to a White House soiree before finally admitting he did.

I know it was only a half-hour program so you fine folk out there in Bugland would surely be able to add to the list of porkies from the Liar from the Shire. Hint: Smoko told a couple of fresh porkies later in the interview.

And I’d have loved to have been in the chair if Smoko had bristled up and decried the questioning as unfair and personal. Oh, to have thrown back at him his oft-quoted comment from the 2019 campaign: “Bill Shorten’s a liar. That’s all he ever does. He lies and he lies and he lies.”

I’m still practicing that satisfied Laura Tingle “cat that just ate the cream” look that I could have given after watching Smoko’s response to that!

Anywho, that’s where I would have gone were I sitting in Sales’s chair and as pissed off as she supposedly is that the mendacious moron had studiously avoided her program for yonks.

I’d have given the lying, lazy, loathsome lump of lard both barrels. Politely and professionally, of course.

Don Gordon-Brown