PM steals Ukraine leader’s limelight

FEDERAL POLITICS:

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has offered unsolicited advice on several fronts to Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelenskyy during his historic virtual address to the Australian Parliament.

Liberal Party strategists said they were ecstatic at the Prime Minister’s performance which they claimed would help the party’s efforts to fight a “khaki election” on national security issues.

“The PM, as we all know, is a marketing genius and his first masterstroke was to dress appropriately for his appearance in the Parliament to hear the Ukrainian President’s address. (main picture)

“He also displayed his marketing genius with his precise and well-timed contributions to the Ukrainian President’s speech.”

In his opening remarks Mr Zelenskyy outlined the attacks by Russia on Ukrainian territory that began with the 2014 annexation of Crimea, support for rebels in two eastern regions, and its recent all-out invasion.

“They have attacked us on land, in the air and from the sea,” he said while also referencing the death toll from Russian artillery and missile attacks on Ukrainian civilians including children.

At that point Mr Morrison interrupted to say: “Tell me about it! I’ve got soon-to-be ex-Senator Concetta Fierravanti-Wells on my case right now.

“I reckon I’d rather have Russian tanks following me around the corridors here than Conny on the warpath,” Mr Morrison said before breaking into laughter at his own joke.

Undeterred, Mr Zelenskyy pointed out the need for nations such as Australia to support Ukraine with military hardware because of NATO’s reluctance to become directly involved in the war with Russia.

Mr Morrison interrupted again to say: “As a universally recognised marketing genius I can help you with that one.

“I’d suggest you start an ad campaign with the theme: ‘NATO, where the bloody hell are you?’

“It worked treat for me and it’ll do the same for you, I guarantee it.”

Pressing on, Mr Zelenskyy began praising the versatility and strength of the Australian Army’s Bushmaster armoured vehicles at which point Mr Morrison stood and shouted: “How good is the Bushmaster?”

But when the Ukrainian President went on to ask for Bushmasters to be donated to his nation’s war effort Mr Morrison picked up a piece of paper and crinkled it next to his own microphone with the noise partly swamping Mr Zelenskyy’s words.

“Sorry mate, you’re breaking up badly. Can’t hear a word,” he yelled while deliberately not vocalising every second syllable.

Mr Zelenskyy ended his speech with a rousing call to arms.

“It is for the survival of the Ukrainian people that we are now fighting. Eternal memory to all who died for Ukraine! Eternal glory to all our heroes! Glory to Ukraine!” he said.

In the split second before MPs and Senators gathered in the Australian Parliament could stand and begin applauding Mr Morrison leapt to his feet and, just as passionately as Mr Zelenskyy, exclaimed: “Too right, and don’t forget we can’t risk Anthony Albanese and Labor. They have no plans, they’ll wreck the economy worse than Poo Tin’s wrecked Uruguay.  

“He and Labor are liars. They just lie, lie, lie,” he concluded before bowing while acknowledging the standing ovation.