PM’s speech lifts party spirits

PERTH: A statesman-like speech by Prime Minister Scott Morrison has proved a major fillip to a worried LNP base as the federal election looms.

At an impromptu media call during a full day in the Western Australian capital where he announced infrastructure projects worth $12 billion in marginal LNP seats, Mr Morrison battled tears and a wavering voice while pleading for the election “to be fought on polices, not personalities”.

“Let’s have a contest of ideas, not a constant flow of idiotic personal slurs,” the PM said.” Let’s cut the negativity and allow both sides to present a positive case to the Australian people.”

But Mr Morrison said that did not mean he could not let recent Labor Party lies go by uncontested.

“The Labor Party is lying in saying I had a go at Anthony Albanese yesterday over his glasses or his weight loss.

“I did not say those things.

“And why would I?”

Taking off his own ultra-thin-rimmed glasses and waving them at the media pack, Mr Morrison said: “Everyone knows I’ve been wearing these only for a little while myself. So does anyone think I’d be so stupid as to have a go at Albanese for changing his?

“Besides, why would I bag anyone for changing their glasses anyway? This is all good technology!

“And the Labor Party is lying in saying I took a swipe at the Opposition’s weight loss of recent times.”

Taking from a trouser packet a sachet of a dietary manshake made by a well-known chemist chain, Mr Morrison said: “Why would I have a go at Albanese when I clearly need to lose some weight given my love of some Italian cake not to mention a Swan Lager or two, pulling a can of the popular local brew from his other trouser pocket and downing it in one swig before crushing the can and placing it on his head.

Mr Morrison told the assembled media: “I don’t pretend to be someone else. Like me or loathe me, what you see with me is what you get and I know the Australian people appreciate that.

“I’ve never changed my glasses and I’m the same weight I’ve always been,” the PM said, wobbling his belly with a chuckle.

“So, please, let’s have a clean, honest and open fight.

“But I doubt that’s going to happen because Albanese and Labor lie all the time.

“Albanese is a liar. He lies and he lies and he lies. That’s all he ever does.

“In fact, I think he’s a bigger liar than Bill Shorten was in the 2019 campaign, hard as that might be to believe.”

Mr Morrison would not take questions but entertained the media with a medley of tunes from The Sound of Music on his ukulele before walking off quickly to be rushed to his next multi-million dollar infrastructure announcement in another marginal Liberal seat.

One NewsCorp journalist was heard to gasp admiringly as the PM left: “Doing that media conference in mono made him look so Churchillian.”