Patched-up PM leaves hospital

CANBERRA: Prime Minister Scott Morrison is expected to make a full recovery after tripping last night on a section of worn carpet beside his bed at The Lodge and suffering hand and facial cuts in the resultant fall.

Mr Morrison is understood to have caught a slippered foot in the groove on his side of the Morrison marital bed where he has worn out the carpet over the past two years while praying on his knees.

An embarrassed PM told medical staff when he was rushed to a nearby private hospital: “I’ve worn out the carpet particularly down in Canberra, on my knees, when I spent most of the pandemic, praying and praying. Praying not just for our response, who are losing loved ones, who couldn’t go to family funerals, praying for those who were exhausted. Praying for the young men and women into aged care centres, they won’t forget what they saw. which were just…”

Doctors wanted to keep Mr Morrison in for observation for a few days but the PM bravely discharged himself earlier this morning.

“It’s possibly the last week of Parliamentary sittings before the federal election and it’s vital that I’m there to tend to and pray for my flock,” he unselfishly told reporters and worried quiet Australians who had gathered outside the doors of the Harold Holt wing of the Sir Robert Menzies Private Hospital for Truly Gifted Statesmen in leafy Manuka.