Nine is still the one….

FOR FUCKING UP THE NEWS!

9NOW, Channel 9’s streaming service, can’t leave well enough alone.

Especially when it comes to its news services from each of the capital cities and the network’s never-ending boast that it’s the one for the best and freshest news available.

Some time ago, the MGH got good and proper cranky when 9NOW dumped the hour-long 6pm news services from each of the capitals and replaced them with single clips. Why the anger? Well, Nine News is a mighty source of journalistic fuckups and stuffups and fantastic fodder for the MGH.

And to make sure we’d heard a fuckup or stuffup correctly, it was a breeze just to go to 9NOW and double check that the really silly thing we heard was as bad as we thought we’d heard.

We can’t blame Nine Entertainment Co for trying to monetise every single aspect of their business and MGH at the time assumed that individual clips with an advertisement of their own at the beginning reaped a better financial reward then having some tech nerd upload each of the capital city bulletins in their entirety with all the ad breaks included.

Our other beef at the time, of course, apart from our own selfish interests, was that the individual clips were of very little interest to anyone from, say Brisbane, who missed a recent 6pm news bulletin and wanted to catch up with what had happened in arguably the world’s most exciting and liveable city!

Compounding that problem was that when 9NOW first brought in the individual clips, they stayed unchanged for some weeks, as if the upload nerd had taken hols. And even then, some of those stale clips were about some irrelevant shit that happened in Sydney.

Anywho, the bean counters at Nine eventually decided, the MGH assumes, the individual news clip weren’t raking in the dollars hoped of them. Or maybe the time and effort to create them hadn’t been factored in properly. Getting that internet nerd to upload the hour-long bulletins seemed a simple task for the feeble, ludditic minds here at the MGH.

So what happened the other night? 9NOW has dumped the hour-long city bulletins and reverted to individual news clips again.

Right now on the site (shown at top), Brisbane folk can click on and rush to the fifth item in the queue, Nine Sydney’s report from last Thursday of a police pursuit in the Newcastle CBD. The reporter cleverly doesn’t mention when the chase took place.

So, the MGH asks a simple question: the single clips introduced quite some time ago didn’t cash in and were abandoned? But now they might?

And at the expense of citizens of our capital cities who wouldn’t mind an hour-long recap of local, state, national and world news?

Finally, just to let you fully understand the MGH’s angst over this turn of events, Channel 9’s 6pm bulletin out of Brisbane the other night was awash with some of the most wonderful hyperbole we’d ever heard.

It was in the bulletin itself and in the ad breaks as the station plugged upcoming shows, such as the 60 Minutes yarn on Cleo of WA fame.

The whole show was chockablock with wonderful stuff like “the entire world stood still” and “the most shocking revelations you’ll ever hear in your lifetime” stuff.

In sport, some relative of Costa Zu was preparing for some fight “he had dreamt about his entire life”.

The MGH rejoiced at the vision of the wee one, just home from the maternity hospital and punching well above his weight, his sweet little hands covered by tiny baby boxing gloves knitted by a proud new grandmother!

The MGH was going to have a lot of fun with that but being a responsible news outlet dedicated to total accuracy, we clicked onto 9NOW to check the exact wording of each amazing hyperbolic effort in a totally Herculean night of gross exaggeration.

We were confronted with those fucking annoying single clips, including one of a convenience store robbery in inner-Sydney. Rivetting stuff and something Connie of Bracken Ridge really needed to know about.