Oldies ‘lacking in basic skills’

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Australian Defence Forces advance parties that have gone into residential aged-care homes around the nation to prepare the ground for the thousand-plus troops that will soon be sent to the sector have been appalled by what they have found there.

The Bug can reveal that their scathing initial reports to senior officers across all three ADF services will confirm that almost 95 per cent of aged-care centre residents have little to no skills when it comes to basic parade -ground drills.

“Many don’t even know how to stand to attention,” one army report says.

“So the chances of them being trained to present arms for inoculations or to keep their dixies clean between mess times seem very grim indeed.”

Rally venue selected

Organisers behind the #scottiedidn’tknowaboutthecolourcodedsportsrortsspreadsheetsuntilmuchmuchlater movement have announced the venue for today’s big public rally of all Australians who still firmly believe the PM and his office did not know anything about the gold standard, $100 million-plus, pork barreling by Bridget McKenzie until years later.

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