What a linguistic balls up!

Dear Doctor Dick

A friend tells me that some young women at a regional NSW universary have declared themselves non-binary and are apparently demanding their birth certificates be changed to show they are neither male or female.

Sure, some of these young ladies apparently kick from the Paddington end, so to speak, but I can’t for the life of me see the relevance of that as I’m reliably told that if you ‘checked under the hood’ all you’re going to see is the bearded clam and nary the sight of any meat and two veg!

So, please, doc! Help me to understand it all. Is some sort of politically-correct madness taking over the world?

Confused
Kelvin Grove, Brisbane.

Doctor Dick replies: You are spot on, Confused, despite your rather colourful descriptions of female and male sex anatomy. I sometimes despair as to what the little ladies want from our modern, inclusive 21st Century society where men and women are now so incredibly equal in all facets of our co-existence.

I read in the SMH – sorry, that’s The Sydney Morning Herald – a few Saturdays ago that women are at risk of being dehumanised because words such as ‘‘women’’ and ‘‘mothers’’ are being replaced with ‘‘birthgivers’’ and ‘‘pregnant people’’.

Admittedly this bizarre nomenclature is only taking hold in medical literature and research at the moment but surely it’s going to spread into common usage? Medical research types now apparently prefer the term “non-pregnant humans” which could incorrectly include men.

Why the ELHBs – sorry, the Egg-Laying Human Beings – among us would want to embrace language that detracts attention from their amazing ability to carry a child through pregnancy and then press them to their NMLDs – sorry, perhaps I should have said breasts or the equally appropriate “non-boys” now that “girls” is no longer kosher, instead of their non-masculine lactating devices – beggars belief really.

I am sure the UDHBs amongst us – or to use the longer terminology Uterus Deprived Human Beings – would proudly trumpet those skills if we possessed them.

In fact I’d bet my PIHB’s PRVTGs – sorry, my Pregnancy Incapable Human Being’s Prolapsed Rudimentary Vaginal Tissue Conglomerates on it.

By that, of course, I mean my balls.