Nats’ leaders explain their texts


Barnaby Joyce says the derogatory text message he sent about Prime Minister Scott Morrison does not reflect his view since returning to the position of Deputy Prime Minister.  Mr Joyce chose The Bug to outline his position. Below is a transcript of our exclusive interview with the Deputy Prime Minister (DPM).

The Bug: Thanks for agreeing to this interview.

DPM: No worries.

The Bug: Righto. Now first up, are you embarrassed at the revelation of your text messages?

DPM: Not at all. It’s part and parcel of the thrust of politics. Since returning to the job of Deputy Prime Minister I have built a solid working relationship with the Prime Minister and we get on very well together. I have spoken to the Prime Minister and have apologised. He’s accepted that and we all move on. Simple.

The Bug: But what do you really think of Scott Morrison?

BJ: Oh Christ! He’s a dreadful cunt. Lying, leaking, treacherous bastard. Couldn’t lie straight in bed.

The Bug: Wow! That’s a change all of a sudden.

Sorry. My bad. I mistakenly made that last comment as ‘Barnaby Joyce’ not as ‘Deputy Prime Minister’.

The Bug: Of course, yes. I see that now by looking at the abbreviation we gave you in this transcript.

DPM: The Prime Minister is a statesman of the highest calibre. Visionary, honest, altruistic, and his leadership will ensure the continued security, growth, and development of our nation and its economy so he deserves to be re-elected at the coming election.

The Bug:
So you really do like and admire Scott Morrison?

BJ: Oh, Scott Morrison? No, he’s an appalling bloke. Happy clapping, two-faced liar. Lower than a snake’s arsehole. l wouldn’t trust him to ….

The Bug: Sorry, I see what I did there. I meant to ask if you really liked and admired ‘the Prime Minister’, but accidentally used ‘Scott Morrison’.

DPM: In that case, I believe the Prime Minister to be a person of unimpeachable ethics and personal and political morals above reproach.

The Bug: Are you sure?

DPM: Now just to be clear are you asking me about the Prime Minister…

BJ: … or that cunt Scott Morrison?

The Bug: Well, both really.

DPM: Well… aahhhh….

BJ: Jeeze….. faark….

Our exclusive interview ended at that point when Mr Joyce appeared dazed and confused , grew even more red in the face than usual and walked out of the room. It was left to an aide to explain to The Bug that: “He may be the greatest retail politician in the nation’s history but he’s not a miracle worker.”