Punter’s career in grave doubt

Former Test cricket great Ricky Ponting is slowly recovering in Royal Hobart Hospital from one of the worst cases of MMB doctors there have ever encountered.

“Mr Ponting should be extremely grateful that the fifth Test at Bellerieve Oval finished two days early or MMB could easily have ended his career as a cricket commentator with the Seven Network,” one physician told The Bug on the condition of anonymity.

“In worst-case scenarios, Motor Mouth Burnout can be irreversible,” the doctor said.

“We’ve reviewed coverage of the day-night, pink-ball Test here and Mr Ponting’s mouth was frequently travelling recklessly at about 400 words a minute – that’s three times normal speech patterns.

“No-one could understand what he was saying then so could you image what might have happened if the Test had come down to a late-fifth-day-night nailbiter.

“Mr Ponting’s mouth was already dangerously overheating and it would have seized-up completely if it had sped up any more.

“Not only would that have ended for good his career as a cricket commentator but would also have brought an abrupt finish to his other job between cricket seasons – that of livestock auctioneer.”