Top subs tender resignations

MAINSTREAM MEDIA:

Two of Nine Entertainment Co’s finest production sub-editors have offered their resignations after major and humiliating blunders at their Sydney Morning Herald workplace.

While The Bug won’t mention names, the first sub-editor – the one responsible for the major heading shown (above) on a Saturday SMH cream-puff piece by Deborah Snow on Prime Minister Scott Morrison knew he had erred straight away once the first-edition print run lobbed on his desk late Friday night.

Just like Joe Root didn’t even bother to appeal his plumb LBW decision in Hobart late yesterday, this sub-editor, according to colleagues, simply packed his possessions in a milk crate before tendering his resignation online to the SMH editor and leaving the premises, crestfallen and head bowed.

He told The Bug later: “Look, I know a lot of people think we are becoming more and more like NewsCorp and many will probably think I was instructed to use Defying gravity by some senior executive if not some flaccid-arsed, corrupt, money-hungry, ethics-free zone, nonagenarian cunt in New York but that’s not the case.

“In hindsight, why I went for that heading is all fucked up because nothing in Deborah’s snowjob piece suggested Morrison is doing any such thing.

“But I knew my colleague in the art department was using that statesmanlike photo of the PM on the cover of the News Review section and, in my defence Defying gravity made sense.

“The picture showed the PM aboard Shark One and his aircraft certainly defies gravity, does it not?

“I was also inspired by Deborah’s recounting of how the PM, in a rare moment of self-doubt in the 2019 campaign, was spiritually inspired to carry on doing God’s work and achieving what God wanted of him after seeing artwork of an eagle coming into land.

“I mean, when you think about it, eagles and aircraft both defy gravity in their own way, one with fixed wings, the other with flexible wings.

“But, sadly, what made sense to me in front of a production screen and under enormous work pressure with looming deadlines looked entirely different once the first country editions of the paper lobbed on our desks.

“Boy, did my colleagues give me some stick then.

“They argued that Defying gravity suggested the PM was on the cusp of yet another come-from-behind election win, a devout Pentecostal Christian putting his faith in his God to help him defy all odds to pull off another marketing and campaigning miracle.”

“They pointed out it did nothing to reflect the pain he’s currently going through with his latest COVID fuckup – the RAT rollout disaster – that will probably see him falling further behind in the first polls of the New Year.

“Turbulent times” or “Crashing to earth” would have made much more sense,” he said, wiping away a tear of regret.

The other SMH production sub looking for work is the one who selected all the photographs used in Deborah Snow’s cream-puff piece.

“A bit like my mate on the main subs desk, it wasn’t until right at the end of my shift that colleagues pointed out that each and every one of the 11 main photographs I selected to accompany Deborah’s cream-puff piece were very favourable to the Prime Minister,” he told us.

“Although, to be fair, the main one on the front of the News Review section and the other big portrait inside didn’t have a halo over Mr Morrison’s head like his professional photographer normally strives for.

“Given the article’s standfirst talked about three years of ‘crisis’ and ‘self-inflicted political wounds’, you’d fucking think I might have used just one image of him sitting in Hawaii on his secret holiday or trying to shake hands with fire victims after the Black Summer fires of 2020-21 or slinking back into the safety of Parliament House after cutting short yet another media conference train wreck? Or one of Emmanuel Macron at the time he uttered his famous ‘I know’ line.”

“But, no! Not fucking one. When all that was pointed out to me, I was so ashamed and I knew I was done and dusted there and then.

“I just hope that when the paper does a similar five-page spread on Anthony Albanese, my replacement displays a much more professional, balanced judgment when selecting images befitting the many hiccups Albanese has suffered as Opposition Leader.”

BREAKING NEWS: Nine Entertainment Co. chairman Peter Costello has refused to accept both sub-editors’ resignation letters and they have been given substantial pay rises.